Life is unpredictable

Today... 14/12/2012, doing the usual stuffs I do everyday... Its such a normal friday, except I tried the new Milo thick toast and Today Paper is thicker than before.... And an un-wanted email informed me that Janice, my lunch khaki had passed away during her trip in Australia. I didnt know how to react... and I am totally at a lose...

Yes.. be strong.. RIP is always used to console one another... but the feeling is hard to accept the fact that someone u see everyday is no longer a privilege to see anymore.... I even bought her a xmas present... I even RSVP with her my wedding date... Now she couldnt attend my wedding.. becos she cant make it on that day.

Its was those days that I am fighting my tears back... Cos I know myself... I cant cry.. If I do.. there is no stop.. I will keep crying. And the more I fight it.. the more sad I am. So the only way is to hide myself in the toilet to cry...

I even sent her an email yesterday asking her to join us for lunch as usual. But she didnt replied. Its obvious to me that she extended her leave but never expect her depart so sudden. I was still hoping for miracle that its not her. My colleague cry so hard when she knew it as we always enjoy lunch together.

If you were to ask me to cry now... I would... If you give me a hug now I would....

There is always things u want to treasure in life and achieve in life.. Just that everyone has different priority in life.. Was chatting with my other lunch Khaki telling her... I might be also gone tomorrow, So what do u think u shd do today?

Life is not unpredictable... We all know we will depart one day... but did u make full use of ur brain, heart and feelings to feel, to think and to love? If not.. maybe u should. Becos like my friend.. it will never have chance to feel, to think and to love... but with memories of us...

Now... Think of what is so important to u, Think of have u been doing enough... Think of have u been feeling how it felt... before everything is too late.

14/12/2012 4.16pm

Will my sickness follow me if I end this life?

I feel like a drag... doesnt feel like living on. No hope, desperation...

Sometime I wonder, If I were to let myself end it here... will all my pain and suffering end as well?

Knee problem, vertigo, fibroid, gastric, vomiting... WTH.. I am so tired of it... arghhhh.....

Medication, medication, medication.... Canot take this, canot do that, canot eat this... haiz....

10/12/12.  12.04pm

What can I do without sleep

The most scary part of my life is when that stupid vertigo thing strike back, it definitely cause a chaos in my life whereby I lose all interest in doing anything... I hate it. And it comes and goes without much indication. And it can happen for weeks and sometime months, to be lucky enough it will go away in days. And so I will just do nothing but sleep....



Please let it go away... We have so much to do.... Please please please...!!!,