what if and If Only

There is a lot of "what if" and "If only" happen in my life.

Thinking back, I always used what if and If only to write my story.

I have choice that I could make, but I chose the one I though it makes my life wonderful. And for the choice I chose, end up misery and pain with torture that I dont know how to face it in my life.

And every moment of time when happiness was that close to me, a simple mistake chase it all away. If only..... My life will not be the same.

At that very moment. I chose... I think... I decide.... But all of the consideration would change my life. My brain was being rationale but not my heart. Yes I made the choice believing he is the one for me. Someone who share my sorrow and happiness.

I tell myself everyday that if this man can take my shit. I promise my life and everything to him. And thats where I lose it. I chose to believe and end up chosing the wrong person in life.

And now I know... I knew, but yet again I chose to believe, and yes I like him, but he like someone else more than I do.

Now my heart is shattered. I feel so tired getting up again.

All I wish now is for him to be happy.

I wish my dream can come true.. Let me be with him. shower him with loves and happiness. Be it he loves me or not. I dont think I deserve all those.

How does it need to totally heal the pain

Its seem like a long time ever since I was hurt.

The kind of pain that was given by someone u least expected. Someone u though would love you forever, someone u trust, someone u rely on, someone u loved so much.

It seems like yesterday, those heartless words use on you, those painful feeling and those heartache behaviour.

Sometime I would thought that, why does it happen this way? I agree that I am in fault. and not all are his. I know my expectation on him is too much, And my thought of being him the special one is wrong. I shouldnt have believe in that, and I should have just let it go.

However, to love someone, we shouldnt be expecting the someone to change, we should love the person as who he/she is, accepting them is the only way to make love last forever. But I didnt have a chance to meet anyone like this.

From the pain I faced. For what I have lose. I am not sure for how long can I be heal. Why was it so difficult to be loved? Why is it so easy to get hurt?

That is the question that everyone is asking....