The marriage that lasted for 4 mths

No one expect that a marriage can be so childish to someone.

What does a marriage means when it happen between a man and a woman who vows to love each other, take care of each other till death torn us apart?

It seem so ridiculous for me to end my marriage. Its so ridiculous to have those stupid excuses he gave to end it.

The best part is, he can treat it as nothing happen and lead his happy life back the way he used to live after that, calling my friends and trying to sell her insurance the moment he engage a lawyer to deal with it and the day before his hearing.

To him, its seem nothing to have make those efforts to put us together and than just give up.

It seem nothing to him when he had a failed marriage instead of keeping it alive with all his efforts and hardwork.

There is always a question in my head asking... "how did he do that?" Although its easier for the person who actually decide to end it. But standing in my position, Its never easy for me to just forget about it when things do happen and end it.

He did mentioned and accused me that I actually love myself more than I love him. I deny this statement. Because I am the one who is trying to save it and talk about it when things goes wrong. He just escape it and pretend nothing ever happen. His decision was made by his unhappiness. As long as he felt unhappy, he want out of it. He just want to be happy to himself and not really bother about the people around him.

All the while.. It is not all about me. When things happen, I can felt how sad my parents were, how disappointed they felt, how my relatives feel.. and how the other side felt. Its not about myself. But it is to him.

If gods really exist, I wish he can tell me the reason and how he did it. I really wants to know. because its so difficult for me. Not that I love him that much that i would die... But I cherish the moment we had together that I can forgive and forget what happen. Why cant he do the same? The answer might be because he had never really love me at all. All those things he did to me was sweet and kind and lovely, but that doesnt mean love.

Like he mentioned. Relationship is like a business. It require a return when money input in and result must be favorable. If its not.. than it should just wind it up and end the misery asap. Before more money is lost. This is how a man who promises to take care of me and vows to love me endlessly. And we lost the most precious and valuable things that gods give. I will be punish, he will too. We are forever in debt to the innocent.

“失恋之所以痛苦，是因为对方的心收了回去，而自己的心还不肯回来。”

你的一“心”一意，不过是一“辛”一意，何苦呢？- Owen Yap ( 叶剑锋 )

Lifes in Mono

Recently i was very frustrated with my social life, I am so misfit into the social life and never mastered the social skills with all the cool people. 

I embarked myself on a period of experimentation to gain the experience and knowledge that i might have miss out. 

This include involving myself intiating social interactions with maybe thousands of people from all sorts of life, infact, many have become my friends. 

I also learn about how attractive people think and feel and about social dynamics overall. haiz...

I also discovered profounds inside of myself and made some major changes and lasting transformations. Which is good i hope. 

I learned that most significant element in interacting with people is to be yourself, be honest of who you are. as long as you have improve urself to fit into something, you will never be ashamed.



I took a stand on things about myself that i have always wanted to change for years but somehow i never follow through with. And now at the ripe old age of 37. I also try to took up new hobbies and learned new skills that i had wanted to pursue for years but kept putting off. Another words means i stopped making excuses for myself and my social life... and start to take responsibiliies of my own life.



Most of all, i concluded myself for awhile to date many guys which i think its a nice person, but.. it doesnt lead me to a sustained happiness.. 

I think i should instead chosen to have a meaningful, long term relationships. I do not think there is anything morally objectionable casual encounters between mutually consenting adults, nor do i have any major regrets about my past. yet those experiences contibuted to making me the person i am today. Isnt what we have in the past gave us more adventage of what we have now? 



Though it took me until my early 30 to figure out things socially. guess its never too late to realise my own dreams. Without those experiences, i would likely never have learned enough about myself or matured enough emotionally to approach anyone. While i might slip away much of my social life in school days and my 20s.. i now have a whole range of life opportunities open to me that i could have only dreamt of a mere 5 years ago.... 

Guess its never too late to become whoever you want to be...

I realised that i am not as noble as i though i am through relationship, I might be independent, but yet i am no different with any other woman. 

I need attention, i need love, i need to be cuddle, i need to be hug, i need to have someone by myself and i need support. Being able to soclal doesnt bring in much advantage of getting happiness quickly, but do give an advantages of approaching without much hestitation. 

Many realise i am too straight, some friends advise me not to be too independent. But isnt being independent a good thing? 

Some of my friends even said i am too stubborn faithful.. but isn't this a good thing too?

 Being in this age of mine, i realise that relationship is like flying a kite... think about it why. 



Have given up someone i thg i dont picture future together and someone giving me up... .One by one.. So whats next?