The truth about the truth

My ex and I ROM in March 28. It was a short courtship. We know each other for 1yr plus. however, since we are not young anymore and we both know what we want. He decide to proposed to me 5mths after into a relationship. Seriously I was happy when he do so. As we know, we wanted to be together with each other. 

To me, I enjoyed the courtship, the freedom I have for doing whatever I want, the freedom of going out with my friends to suits my own entertainment, marriage was a far to dream affair. But when i met him, the way he treated me, he made me feel that he really loves me, he made me feel wanted, he made me feel I wanted to be with him for my lifetime. Therefore... for all those fake thoughts I decided to accepted his proposal and signed on the dotted line. I know, the moment I signed, I will give all of me to him... 

But I realised that the moment I signed that dotted line, everything changed. He Changed. 
Strange thing is.. After his proposal. We seem to have alot of disagreement than before. 

1. When I met his parents and family for the 1st time. I was being ignored by them for the 2 hour dinner. No one was asking me question like most people would. I mean, arent they curious about his son's girlfriend/wife to be? They dont ask where I work, work as, how many sibling I have, my family background etc.. make it worst... the only person who keep smiling at me the whole night is the maid of his brother. He did ask me how was it after the dinner... I told the truth.. and he said his family is like that?? 

1. When I ask him "what is relationship to him" after he proposed. He said relationship is like a business. I was so upset by his replied at the start. Business? Does it mean that its just a pay and get service type of relationship or a relationship that require certain return? Becos of such. I actually feel so sad that I almost wants to break up. I rejected his proposal immediately after knowing such, I told him that marriage is not a business. It require alot of hard work and make it thru. I feel that relationship should be a committment on both to make things work. But he explained that his "business' means "serious"? And I getting something wrong hereI have declare and confess to him that I am a high sex drive kind of person. But for such declaration. I was told by him that I should control myself. It become something weird and wrong with me. physical contact is important. If that is a barrier with him. I believe its good we talk things out and decide on our future. How can a married couple live together with physical contact?

1. He always comparing me with his brother's wife (a malaysian whose family is in malaysia and only 1 sister in spore). He has his own business that deal with religious stuffs, who I am a free thinker. he expect me to be at his stall often and would expect me to help out in the stall after marriage. I am reluctant to do so, as I explain. I dont have such believe and I dont think I can help. I can only offer myself to be there helping during special occasion (like CNY) when its really busy. But I need to have my reunion dinner. (they dont have reunion dinner due to the business... oh.. its a family business). I mean... the bro's wife can help all she wants becos she didnt have her own family to take care of. But I do. 

1. He feel that I dont put in efford to mingle with his family. His bro has attitude problem. And everytime I strike a conversation with them, He will just ignore me. all because of a misunderstanding and my ex idiot way of handling thing which makes his bro think that his elder brother listen to everything I said. Which is not true.I get along quite well with the mum . But the sis doesnt seem to be happy for his elder bro to have finally found his happiness. Well, she did trying to convince me that our fate has ended when things goes wrong instead of helping us patching up the break.  I have try so many ways. I often bring down dinner to his stall for them. buy them lunch whenever I can.The fact that I always tell him is. The stall is where his work is. And I dont find it a good idea to disturb his "work" no doubt his sibling is always there and I shd be there to get along with them. But.... If I can do nothing there and just loiter around like a ghost. Why do I have to do so? I have already did what I can... But its never enough.

I actually feel very reluctant about signing the paper with him. I make a feel question to myself and him. I suggested that he shd buy a house under bachelor scheme, so that we can stay together and get along first, but this suggestion was being deny. end up, I was being accused of not serious in our relationship. He said its not fair to my as a girl to stay together with a man without married. Thats why he insist on getting married first.

He convince me that he will take care of me, protect me and share my burden that makes me believe that I should married him without thinking much. And I do. 

He know my weakness, I am someone who are craving for security, a man who loves me enough to accept who I am, someone who accept my family, someone who I can rely on. The moment when I decide to sign the dotted line, I have told myself that this man will be my one and only. The Man I will be with and take care off, to love and to hold to my last breath. I may nag abit on things that I dont wish to do, I may throw a little tantram over little thing he found is not important, I may say things that I dont mean to say just to catch his attention but I will never abandon the loves I grow with him. But with my determination to make our difficult relationship work, I found out how amazing it is for someone who claim his love for me was just a lie.



Just 4 mths after we ROM. He said he want to annul our marriage. 

Reason given was... He is very stress... He is drain and have no heart to carry on. 

he give me excuses on an unknown future, telling me that we will not get along and will end up divorce in future. He is stress for the preparation of the wedding which I am the one doing all the thing. He is drain when I told him to put a little support on me and on us and also put in a little effort on the marriage. He is the one wanted to have a wedding banquet not me. And all I did was wrong and making a big fuss. I am the one who is trying so hard to let save alittle money on the wedding he wants, which I do all the research, I look for the photographer, the invitation card, the sisters and brothers dressing, the honeymoon, all those little things for the wedding, the songs, the montage, the editing of our wedding photos, the updating of blogs for our friends to see, the guest list. And I need to do all the communication with the prewedding photography issue in taiwan, I need to research the day tour in taiwan, the research on the company we are going, the make up artist, the photographer etc and yet, he told me he is very stress with the wedding. tired? drained? stressed? tell me about it. 

It is amazing how he can just walk out of our marriage. Giving no reason, just excuses. hurting me like I am his worst enemy. He can continue to eat, sleep and work like any other day leaving me devastated, pain and sadness... I will cry every night to sleep. break down into depression. 

Yes we have alot of disagreement and we might not be compatible as mentioned above. But when I decide to take him as my man and make my vows. I decide to love him till dealth till us apart, How can he just do this? other than the pain we have and disagreement we had. We had so much happiness moment before... I dont understand how he do it. 

I knew about his history, His parent was divorce, from his mum, she told me that when the kids was still young, her husband bring back a women and asked the wife to get along with her. If I am in his place, I doubt I can tolerate such action. MY HUSBAND having an affair and still request me to get along with the women who stole my husband? I know she was very naggy, her thinking is weird, but does all these given a man the reason to have an affair and betray their marriage and trust? As a husband, as the father of the child, your responsibility is to provide a safe and better environment to your family, give your wife a full support, if you are not happy about her behaviour, her speech, communicate, tell her... work on it not escape from it, not keeping everything from it and at the end of it, complain about it and just leave. You call this responsible and commitment? 

From their story... I feel pity of her mother, even when they have family dinner, her dad will be so sarcastic, i feel the hurt as a women, I feel the sadness in her eyes... as a child, when you see ur mum being bully this way, why dont u feel that? Am I being too sensitive? Maybe I am. 

For this... I admit I am being over sensitive. I started to feel ashamed for his father and sometime a little disrespect his father. There is once incident when his father came to his work place while I was watching movie with my ipad behind his stall, I refused to greet his father but was told to do so, out of my stage of mind, I said " I dont like people to force me to do something I dont like to do" haiz... Yes I know... Because of this, he said I dont respect his dad. Well. I agreed. I apologise to him for what I did and from than, I tell myself... I must treat his mum better and take care of her and as for their history, I guess I have no right to be involved, it was than I have stop all those childish behaviour towards his father, although I still dont really like him for what he did, but I always remind myself he is a senior that I need to show respect. 

But.... this was the thorn in his heart, a person who is so petty, a words that I said that was never forgive and forgotten by him. And everytime we had an disagreement, he will bring this up as a reason to put the faults in me. I do agree I am wrong, I say sorry.. I never do it again... but his accusation on me will never come to an end. And even one of the reason he gave for annulment. 

And every night when sex was require by him, he can forget all these and said he loves me. And when he is angry... all the happiness moment, all the good I have given is forgotten. And every time he made a mistake, I can always keep myself in silent and ignore him. For what I know... when a person is upset nothing nice will be out from our mouth, therefore I chose to be silent. And I will always speaks my mind to let him know how and why I am unhappy about his behaviour, I dont believe in making him guess, I prefer facing it, but it seem like a crime to him. 

How can a man not ready to commit and not will to take his responsibility married a innocent victim? Trick them into marriage and give up and walk off just like that...

Alot of marriage was sacrifice because of their childish behavior and mental issue. How many of us has fall into such victim? 

If you said that I have be slapping him, screaming at him or having an affair, I definitely know that such behavior is unacceptable. But for his bloody reason he gave just to escape from his responsibility and commitment... I really wish the Karma can happen.
I know time can heal the pain. But the scar will remain forever. I am tired... 

I hope this asshole will not haunt for another victims, I hope no heart will be broken by him. I hope I am his last.