" 結婚，到底是為了什麼? "

越來越多的男人討不到老婆
因為越來越多女人不想結婚
女人說：

我想偶爾跟朋友出去，不想失去單身的自由;
我想高興吃什麼就吃什麼，不想變成理所當然的煮飯婆;
我想花錢打扮自己讓自己開心，不想每天想著要怎麼省來貼補家用;
我想當媽媽永遠的心肝寶貝，不想提心吊膽不知道婆婆什麼時候會嫌我;
我想當永遠的情人，不想在努力當個好老婆時，還要當老公的另一個媽。

男人說：
結了婚，當然要以家庭為重，不能老是往外跑;
結了婚，當然要入得了廚房，洗手做羹湯;
結了婚，當然要為兩人的未來打拼，分擔家計;
結了婚，當然要把我的家人當作你的家人一樣;
結了婚，當然要做好老婆的本份 - 照顧好老公，

所以女人不懂...
那我結婚到底是為了什麼？

我愛你跟你說過的愛我一樣多，
可是結了婚，我卻要改變那麼多只為了當你的老婆，
我只能有你這一個朋友，還要當個抓住你的胃的煮飯婆，
你有工作，不一定會養我，只因為我也有自己的工作，
你娶了我只是身邊多一個人，我嫁給你身邊卻是多了一家子人，
你們都過著習慣的生活，我卻要捨棄我習慣過的生活。

但是男人也抱怨：
為了娶老婆我也是很辛苦，
我要有車子，要養房子，還要準備聘金還有鑽石戒指，
我省吃儉用一輩子，為了娶老婆還要一直減少存款數字，
況且當人家老婆，本來就是這個樣子，
要認命的持家，還要相夫教子......

因為雙方都這麼辛苦，
所以越來越多女人不想結婚。
既可以讓男人保有存款數字，
也不會讓女人變成像是花錢請來的保姆，

所以男人啊，當你有天想問女人為什麼不想結婚時，
請先幫女人想想，跟你結婚有什麼好的呢？

女人因為婚姻
得拋下自己的父母，來照顧男人的父母。
但男人不用
女人因為婚姻
得挺個又重又大的球十個月，
只為了替男人生下一個跟男人姓的下一代;
還得承受生完小孩後的體質變差，身材變形的後遺症，
但男人不用

女人因為婚姻
得放棄一卡車追求他的好男人，
並埋沒了最美的青春;
但男人卻不為青春所懼，反而愈老愈值錢

女人因為婚姻
得放棄父母給她二十多年的姓，
被冠上某某'太太'二字;
但男人沒變。

女人因為婚姻
得早上上班，晚上煮飯做家事帶小孩，
有工作也有家事的壓力;
但男人沒差，反而多了個賺錢的人和不用給薪的女傭。

女人因為婚姻
得去適應一個完全不同的家庭和面對男人的親友團批評，
女人如果試圖尋求男人的保護時，
換來的是...男人不僅沒有保護他的女人，
反而一起落井下石...在一個女人孤力無援的環境裡。

男人啊
若在您的身邊有這樣的一個傻女人時，
請當她的笨男人，好好的珍惜她，照顧她吧
別忘了，她不是天生就該來照顧你們全家大小的，
而是因為她愛你......

她受傷的時候，好好傾聽她，支持她，保護她，為她拭淚，
她就會感動一輩子。

I didn’t love my Man when we got married?

I’m a ridiculous, emotional, over-sentimental sap.  

Our dating period lasted a very short time.  After five months of dating, we were engaged.  Eight months after that, we were married. And that whole time I was swooning. 

This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love.

But then we got married, and everything changed.

Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing wedding preparation while he can only tell u things about his work, his stall? How can you feel it when you get into an disagreement? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your most effort into doing things, and he has this crazy idea that it need not be so complicated as to think, plan and what if?

There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. And at first, it drove me nuts.  That emotion meant love!  That excitement was how I knew I cared for him! But suddenly, life was this grind.  Even when I was with him. Especially when I was with him. And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated.

But it wasn’t that he wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. Like, when I offered bring dinner to him.  Or make give him a massage after he had a hard day.  Or, our hard work on painting the room, when I shared the responsibility of doing the painting. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while.  It just kept happening.

But I think it had an effect on me.  Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. And after each time, there would be this look he would give me. This look of absolute love.  One that was soft and so beautiful. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. But   eventually it became clear.  Through giving, through doing things for myhusband, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about.

It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey.

And now, I’ve finally come to realize something. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable. I didn't love my man on that second date. I didn’t love him when we got engaged. But I do love him when we got married. Because love isn’t an emotion.  That fire I felt, it was emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a man I felt like I could marry. 

Love isn’t an emotion or even a noun.  It’s a verb.  The Hebrew word for love means “giving.”  As putting someone else’s needsabove your own. Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were married? Because it wasn’t for him.  It was for me.  An emotion I had in my chest.

Apologies for not knowing

During school day, I began to know that my life is so much different from my classmate. Every single cents I used seem to be so stressful to my parents. My family is not that poor till we don't have pocket money for food. But it's also not that wealthy until the extent that I can spur on what I think it's necessary. 

Whenever my school had any activities and training that require money. I will not get myself to be involve in any. I always wanted to be in the NPCC but i didnt participate in it, because I cant afford to buy the beautiful uniform. I don't feel good asking more money from my parents for something like this. or just a trip which all my classmate and school mate is going for oversea exchange program. Therefore, I didn't have the luxury like what my other classmate/schoolmate have.  

This is the burden I have since the day I began to have this mindset. I believe for my parents to give me the pocket money, transport, school fee etc is already so much that I didn't want to ask for more. Because we are young, so there is always a time whereby we will buy things we like or eat those fast food we longing for. But every penny I spend is the saving I kept for my own pocket money for food during recess time. 

As I grow older. I began to realize that my responsibility is increasing, I have to pay for all the bills in the household. And be able to support my parents financially when they need it. When my name was included in the current flat we are staying. I will have all the burden of responsibility that maybe a newly wed couple is just facing. 

I don't have a broad shoulder. But I have to carry it. It's heavy for sure.. No doubt on that

Till one day when he open his arm and give me his hand saying " 让我帮你扛，我有能力，让我为你分担那重量＂. I was reluctant at first becos I know how hard it is to have all this. But my rejection become a mistrust to him.  I thg I finally found that someone to ease my burden and someone who is strong enough to carry it with me or for me. 

As I share the burden I began to get carried away. I loaded off too much. Without me noticing that he can't carry it anymore. He felt stress becos of the burden I loaded on him. He feel drained for the demand I wish he can carry.

I failed to realize that the burden was heavy for me. But yet I was carrying it for more than 10years. I have already get used to the weight. Never realize how carefree I can be loading on someone who is willing to help me share. Because of this. The promise of helping me sharing become "stress" become a burden and slowly he regret his Decision. And he chose to leave it and throw the weight back to me. 

If only he can let me know that the weight was too heavy. If only he can't tell me that he can only carry a decent burden. If only he have not try to pretend that he can, if only he forgo his ego and tell me. 

I should know this by now. Now every man can hold a weight that I was carrying. Why do I say this now? Because this is the reason why I react the way I am and the way he is. There might be excuses or reason behind it, but this will the truth.. The fact... The reason. 

I am sorry for sharing my burden on u by not realizing that u are drowning. You should be sorry for not saying anything. Showing the part whereby you are not strong enough doesn't mean u are weak. Because everyone has its own limit on things. But you never know that we are capable to handle any stress, any pain and any burden. Our limit is limitless, it's just voice down to whether or not are u willing to.