The memories I had to lock away.. But will never forget.

Looking at my friend wedding album, didnt really makes me sad. But the fact that I saw the stuffs I gave her makes me heart ache abit

The Ang Bao box was design by myself and my friend did it for me. It was suppose to be use on my wedding night... The hard work that put it in was never appreciated... And keeping it was so painful. I gave it away since someone needed.

The same thing happen to this friend of mine, same feelings, same fear, same trouble.... yet, what she had is not what I have.. She have a understanding husband who stand by her patiently, take all her shits when she is not happy, endure all her temper when she throw them, comfort her whenever its necessary.. and there they go.. overcome with every hardship and get their happiness.

My ex was never a man that I wanted him to be. When all the stress and trouble I face, no doubt I understand he had no idea what to do. But with his love to tell me he cares and support me was nothing he can do. He said I wanted him to say something he didnt want to. So by saying "dear.. I know its hard.. but we can go thru it.." its nothing he can say.. by saying "dear.. I know its too much, I know u are very stress.. why dont u give in a little.. since u already did a good job" its nothing he would like to say. This are statement of mine, definately not wanting him to say the same. But to really truely loves his wife and say some encouraging words seem so difficult for a man who keep saying "I love you" to you. So does that "love" really mean something?

Its not the wanting to change a person into another. But with love, ultimately, we will become someone better. without love, it will still be us, the one who only think about ourself and no one else. He is the one selfish man who judge me from loving myself and not him who eventually only love himself rather than anyone else. Not willing to make the love grow, but taking granted that love will eventually grow is not possible.

I have enough of crying... I told myself I will never cry anymore. I had a dream... or maybe a thg.. she said : "mummy... dont cry anymore. U are gg blind soon if u keep crying. I know u miss me, I forgive u. its not worth every tears u shed, becos he will never feel a thing for you, for me, for us"

I know BB. I will never forget what happen. But i didnt really want to remember. I will keep u in my heart, my memories... But I will have to lock this somewhere else. No one will ever touch it, No one will ever find it.

I love you.

Good bye angel. I hope u will be mine again one day. ! Let me compensate you for the rest of my life.