Its been 2 good months since its happen. No doubt the pain still within, but with someone who is so heartless, I can only choose to move on and live with it.
I can understand how he felt when he was with me. He is totally clueless how to deal with me when he is with me. Isnt it feel unsecure when he is clueless? why does he still want to get married with me? why insist?
So much thing he have done, and yet still dont understand me. Asking around my friend on what kind of a person I am. Isnt it obvious enough for him to understand that I like him for the person he is. In fact, when get into a relationship, we dont have to understand a person at all, we just need to know the person and accept the person.
For me, I definately dont understand what kind of a person he is, till now... I still couldnt understand. I can only say, I know who is he, and accept what he is. A person who have so many bad habits and yet, I choose to live with it and accept it. I didnt say that I am a perfect person. I have my own problems too. But didnt the person who said loved me should infact accept who I am?
I remembered I have been such a bad person when I first met. that was not me at all, yet I have to exaggerate my behaviour so he can back off. But he didnt. And i thg he is different.
Anyway, no matter what it is. I cannot forgive him for seeing marriage so lightly. I know how much he have done to make this relationship work. I know he has try his best, but all the things he have done was not in the right way.
Asking around my friend about me and assume he knows me very well is wrong. I kept telling him that as a couple. we need to communicate. Communicate doesnt mean I am the one who always talk and he only do the listening. He have to talk too, its a 2 way thing to make it a communication.
Assuming he knows me very well is not the way to get long with people. You can only know how a person behaviour is by mingle with the person. Not assume as it is.
He was the one who told me that we should face the problem together and we should never say "break up" so easily to spoilt the relationship, at the end, he was the one who is running away from the problems, not to face them.
I believe he is really happy now. Because all he wants is being himself, mend the shop, go to work and not even wish to put in any effort into getting along with the person he so call "love one" Who doesnt want it, but we choose to fight it becos love is what make it worth. So dont come telling me that I dont know what he have done for what is call love. No. he didnt. If he does, he would have fight till the end.
If he can adapt to all the stress he have for work and his own family, why can he accept the stress he is going thru on his own happiness. why can he only accept his own stress is draining him and not accepting the fact that he is giving his partner a unsecurity feelings and stress?
Being a man, he should be able to handle it well, fight it and face it. So can I said he is not a MAN?
I didnt want to blame anyone, but his coward makes me look down on him, makes me regret the time when i know him, make me regret marrying him, makes me regret knowing him, even regret replying his email. If i didnt do that, nothing will start, and I wouldnt be this heart break.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Getting the regrets
I have
never regret doing anything in life... regardless my life, my work or my love life..
Till now I have... If i can reduce my 10yrs of lives in exchange to turn back clock and amend it I would. And I wont chose what I have chosen.
I dont even regret waiting Steve for 10yrs. But I regret the decision I made for just 1 yr. No doubt I have the chance to walk again and start again... but the scar I had its not that SIMPLE like you mentioned. You will never understand how much u have done to damage a person or hurt a person. All u know is u want to be happy and stress free, nothing else matter to U.
Hope u sleep well at night. And stop lying to yourself that u are hurt or sad too...
Everything seem so pointless and meaningless to him, nothing else matter except his own happiness and his own personal feel, he dont bother to care about others feeling. If he does, he wouldnt have make a rush choice and now a unresponsible choice.
I know a fail relationship its not a solo issue, it makes 2 to clap, yes I cannot be agree more. I have my own temper but I can proudly say that I have never throw any un-necessary or un-reasonable temper during the relationship, and every temper I throw was due to his un sensitive reaction and his selfish and self centered behavior. For the previous blog I mentioned, he kept wanting me to mingle with his family, but have he done for doing this? Being his own family, am I suppose to understand them all as an outsider? Am I suppose to adapt to his life style whereas its not mine? If I can try to change myself into someone I am not and be happy of the change, why cant he? Stress? Dont bring your work stress onto me and take that as an excuse.
Tan Wee Khim, U never know how to love a person at all, U never learn how to respect a person, and how many time have u been gg out alone with my friend behind my back? U have never been honest with me for the yr of relationship with me. So dont start putting all the faults in me.
He can even tell me I love myself more than loves him. Well, isnt it suppose to be the other way round? I have not been happy with alot of things, but it just a matter of accepting it and take in control and forget about it. I did all I can and I did all he wants. What else did he expect me to do?
I am sorry to say this TAN WEE KHIM. looking back. U are a great person to be with, I loved u and I admit it, but U have not be accepting the person who I really am, U are trying to change me into a person who u wanted me to become? I admit that I am trying to change u too. But my change is to want u to realise that we need to do alot of effort to make our everyday life a sweet and beautiful one, I am changing u so as u wont take me as ur wife for granted. I am changing u into a romantic person, I am changing u into a person to keep ur words. But everything things u said had never come true.
U said u worried about me, care for me, loved me... But what have u done when u worried me? what have u done when u care about me? what have u done when u love me? I need to be appreciated, I need to be care for, I need to be love. Isnt that what u want? I always help u in anyway, I worried that u keep eating outside food so I have to deliver home cooked dinner to u, I help u plan so much thing so as to reduce the stress u have and I carry it all on me. Do u know how much stress I am handing? U dont know, becos u never bother to know.
Till now I have... If i can reduce my 10yrs of lives in exchange to turn back clock and amend it I would. And I wont chose what I have chosen.
I dont even regret waiting Steve for 10yrs. But I regret the decision I made for just 1 yr. No doubt I have the chance to walk again and start again... but the scar I had its not that SIMPLE like you mentioned. You will never understand how much u have done to damage a person or hurt a person. All u know is u want to be happy and stress free, nothing else matter to U.
Hope u sleep well at night. And stop lying to yourself that u are hurt or sad too...
Everything seem so pointless and meaningless to him, nothing else matter except his own happiness and his own personal feel, he dont bother to care about others feeling. If he does, he wouldnt have make a rush choice and now a unresponsible choice.
I know a fail relationship its not a solo issue, it makes 2 to clap, yes I cannot be agree more. I have my own temper but I can proudly say that I have never throw any un-necessary or un-reasonable temper during the relationship, and every temper I throw was due to his un sensitive reaction and his selfish and self centered behavior. For the previous blog I mentioned, he kept wanting me to mingle with his family, but have he done for doing this? Being his own family, am I suppose to understand them all as an outsider? Am I suppose to adapt to his life style whereas its not mine? If I can try to change myself into someone I am not and be happy of the change, why cant he? Stress? Dont bring your work stress onto me and take that as an excuse.
Tan Wee Khim, U never know how to love a person at all, U never learn how to respect a person, and how many time have u been gg out alone with my friend behind my back? U have never been honest with me for the yr of relationship with me. So dont start putting all the faults in me.
He can even tell me I love myself more than loves him. Well, isnt it suppose to be the other way round? I have not been happy with alot of things, but it just a matter of accepting it and take in control and forget about it. I did all I can and I did all he wants. What else did he expect me to do?
I am sorry to say this TAN WEE KHIM. looking back. U are a great person to be with, I loved u and I admit it, but U have not be accepting the person who I really am, U are trying to change me into a person who u wanted me to become? I admit that I am trying to change u too. But my change is to want u to realise that we need to do alot of effort to make our everyday life a sweet and beautiful one, I am changing u so as u wont take me as ur wife for granted. I am changing u into a romantic person, I am changing u into a person to keep ur words. But everything things u said had never come true.
U said u worried about me, care for me, loved me... But what have u done when u worried me? what have u done when u care about me? what have u done when u love me? I need to be appreciated, I need to be care for, I need to be love. Isnt that what u want? I always help u in anyway, I worried that u keep eating outside food so I have to deliver home cooked dinner to u, I help u plan so much thing so as to reduce the stress u have and I carry it all on me. Do u know how much stress I am handing? U dont know, becos u never bother to know.
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Totally hopeless
The hate, the pain and the ordeal I have been thru has never been easy for me... When I look around, people, friends and relatives have been happily married with kids etc... No doubt they might have issue that I never know, or not being told, but they go thru what life is for them regardless ready or not. But why is mine in such a bad shape?
Everyone know that it's his decision to end our marriage with a pretty ridiculous reason, or not even a reason. But definately the stress of us being thru is draining both of us. That is why I am being not the way I am and he is turning into the way he is.
Above all the above, I still miss him at time, still hoping that is a change. I know it wouldn't. But the feeling in me was so strong to wish to see that we walk thru it. I hated him for giving up just like that, for not even want to fight for it. I hated him for all the promises he made which now turn out to be all fake, I hate his reaction and effort he put in and just give up so easily. I hate him for forgetting all the happiness we been thru and only remember the hate , and i hate it why it's me?
If its only the status of "married" why pick me? Why pick someone who he need to put so much effort in and not those people who are desperate for marriage? There are girls who is willing to go all the way just to get themselves married.
I know that I feel the way I am feeling now because of the loneliness within. And stop all doing which we have been doing for the past 1 year. Why is it so easy for him. Just like that.
I still missed him, still liked him. But I am scare... So in secure even with him.
Monday, 26 August 2013
Ordeal of the Wedding Preparation - from BTB or Brides perspective
I really hope guys out there who are a groom soon, or wanted to be a groom can read this and understand how ur bride's feel. I don’t represent the entire woman out there, but I believe the kind of stress will be similar and the expectation is always simple to understand.
I have been through, and I get the same tension from my friends whose wedding is approaching.And I can totally understand her stress and uneasy feel.
For being in the situation myself, I know the pain and horror a bride can go through. The stress level is so much that we start thinking "what if", "what if" and "what if" every night and every single moment when our mind is not occupy by something else. And it will get even worse when the days are getting near. Yes.. tell ourself, Its ok, take it easy, relax… but it's not easy.
The groom is equally stressing too, no doubt for that. Therefore their reaction to ease their stress is tried not to think too much or think about it. This the bride even more upset than ever. They might be thinking, why do we have to do so much to make our self into such situation? Yes… indeed why?
Think about this, wedding itself is not the reason for stress, its should be a beautiful thing… seeing your man in suit giving his promises to you. Seeing your lady in white, giving herself to you. So wonderful isn’t it?
The"stress" step in when both of us decide to extend our invitation to relatives and friends actually. You can convince yourself to make this less painful by doing it "simple" but the behind the "simple"its never will be. Because it’s the host responsibility to make sure the guest you invited feel comfortable, feel happy, feel welcome and feel great.
Every event we see happen it's never easy for the organization who organizes it. It's always the pain and hard work behind scene we never see.
Never done an event before? What about inviting friends or relatives to your place for a get along? Do you not try your best to make sure your guest have the best food so they enjoy eating? Give the best entertainment so that they won't feel boring or left out? Do you not make sure the place is tidy up and not dirty? Do you not make sure they have all sort of drinks that cater for different friends or relatives you invite?
Wedding is a big event. How many invitations can you invite in your life time for people around you to give you the sincere blessing and enjoy the happy moment with you? ONE… well, there might be a few for some case of course. But think of the very 1st wedding.
If you give an excuse like "I don’t know what to do, don’t know how, I have never done this before" than put these words to your bride too. What makes you think she knows what to do as it's also her first. But because of your "don’t know how"the bride will usually do the rest just to take away those stress from you.
And when a bride takes over, she usually wants it to be nicely done. Always remember this,not because she loves taking control. But she wants to make sure YOURS and HERS wedding is a good one. Making sure all guest are well taken in her hand,making sure all guest are happy in the wedding event. I can be sure if the wedding has none of her own guests but only the groom. She will still make the best out of it.
How many time during the preparation of the wedding, the groom actually initial the wants and suggestion? How many time does the groom actually give constructive idea, And every time a discussion and asking for the groom's idea turn up to be "ok ah", "can lah" giving them 10 options, out of the 10, all 10 are good. -sigh- how many time we heard that "aiya... guys are like that.. " but how many time do we tell ourself " but my guy are not those "all guys"? "
How many groom actually appreciate what the his bride done by saying "thank you". How many grooms will actually share the preparation? I can’t say there isn’t… I have friends (groom) in fact doing all the mentioned and the bride are the one waiting for the day to come... I hope I am the bride seriously.... There is and I know.. but rare, and if you are one of them, you should know how stress it is arrange and organizing it.
Let us see what we need to do:
1. wedding themes – you need to have a theme for the wedding so as to prepare for everything, this make it easier, if not everything mix with anything will be a mess, imagine if you are holding a Chinese wedding and RSVP your guest to wearing BLACK or WHITE. Its not important, but it’s the direction that brings one event more meaningful.
2. Wedding photos - is the pre wedding photo ready on that day? Do we want to bring the big bed frame photo or something else? Do you have enough"thank you" cards for the friends and relatives to have them.
3. Invitation – who to invite, how many, where do they sit, sit with who? what food they cater for (vegetarian, halal etc)
4. Invitation card – the printing, the details of the printing, the names appear on the card, quantity of the card. Do we want to give our wedding photo to the entire guest? Is the invitation card enough to be given away? To be hand deliver or post?
5. Wedding song – What is the song use for 1stmarch in, 2nd march in (if any). What song for the childhood montage,songs to play along the dinner
6. Childhood montage – selection of the photos, songs,chase the person who is doing to be ready, view and check the outcome before final result.
7. The decoration of the reception table – What should be display, making sure there be enough room for guest to look at the wedding photos and sign the guest book
8. Wedding favor – Its not a door gift that everyone thought, Wedding favors are a symbol of the gratitude the bride and groom feel for sharing in one of their most important moments of their lives. Guests cherish wedding favors - it is the universal "Thank You for Sharing in Our Day". How will your guests remember your wedding apart from all other weddings they have been to? Quite simply: with the wedding favors you choose to distribute. Choose a favor that really means something, one that is practical and long lasting or one that suits your wedding's theme. Give a favor that makes an impression - one that stands out - something absolutely fabulous that won't break your bank.
9. Photographer/Videographers– The arrangement with them require coordinating, sharing what you expect,seeing their work, discuss about the details, time they exit your wedding etc.
10. Sisters/brothers- their duties on the wedding, who is in charge of what, and doing what, their dress code.
11. Wine –to cater for the banquet, do we take the hotel/restaurant wine? Or own? Price ofit, brand of it, taste of it.
12. Parents dressing– usually the bridal take care of only the jacket of the "fathers". Leaving out the pants and inner shirt. What about the mummy? It’s a wedding day; your parents need to look fantastic too. If they have the idea of going shopping on their own it will be great, but usually the daughter will be company the mother to do shopping.
13. Makeup artist– making sure the MUA is on time on the actual day, other than you, do your"sister" and mum require their services too? If so, MUA assistant is require to be present for help.
14. Gate clash- The bride need to discuss the games to play, the timing require… making sure no crazy games that make our groom stress.
15. Ang bao - ang bao to be given to the brothers/ sisters and kids around the house, how much to give etc
16. TimeTable – what time should finish the gate clash game, what time to leave to groom hse, what to time leave and back to bride house, what time to let the photographer/videographer go for the morning highlight (if any),what time to reach the banquet, what time do we expect the photographer/videographer to reach the banquet, what time do we expect the MUA to be at the banquet, how much time do we expect the MUA to do the makeup for the bride, the sisters/mothers etc, What time should the couple be at the reception expecting the guest, what time to start the dinner, what time to march in, what time for2nd march in (in any) what time to mingle around, what time to talk, when to take photo around the dinner, what time to pack the items outside the dinner etc
17. Any other matters
- Xi bi –for Chinese custom – who to give, how to give, what to give
- Renovation of the room/hse – furniture, painting, décor, bed etc
- Spring cleaning– cleaning the house, room for guest to be present on that day
- Shopping for wedding stuffs (stickers/ribbons/angbaos etc etc
- Buffet catering– if it is require by the family to have it at the morning for the neighbour.
- Planning of honeymoon destination – where, cost, time etc
Its crazy YES… indeed and I totally agreed, definitely all the above can be handle easily, but by doing it and making sure that the above was done well it’s a kind of stress we face.
We didn’t want a perfect 100% error free wedding. We just want to make sure the above was handle with care, and making sure the above went on well. No doubt, accidents do happen and hiccup may happen.
But if we did our best and yet happen. Accept it, laugh it and move on..And after this, when your friend ask you about the preparation, I believe you tell them... "just a simple one.. I didn't do much really" even though you do so much.
Everyone may need to go through the above once. But it will be all worth it at the end result. Its a lot of hell time going through all the above and prepare all the above. But it will be heaven after it. You will appreciate the effort you put in when u see the smile in your guest enjoying the every moment in your wedding.
Guys… If you have not help much in the above and feel it's too much to be done, your bride is doing it no matter what.Don’t take for granted and say… "I didn’t ask for all these" or" why must do so much? Just eat and go and end the night" …. Please give ur support to your bride who is doing such just to make sure her guest and YOUR is special. No doubt you might thought their understand you. Putting youself in your guests shoe. Have you not attend a wedding before? If you go to a wedding who makes u sit on a uncomfortable chair, dark alley, bad customer service restaurant, no photos to see, no montage to view, little to no air con, dirty toilets, no wedding "feel" wedding dinner, no wedding favour, just ANG BAO BOX FOR YOUR ANGBAO. What is the 1st thoughts you have in your mind? Comparing to a wedding with great service, great food,good music, pretty wedding photo to view, special montage to see, bright and nicely décor restaurant, useful and nice wedding favour with a little note of"thank you for sharing this moment with us" Be honest come on…We didnt want to be a GRAND one or make everything perfect, but at the least, put a little effort to make ur guest feel something different. Whats so special about your wedding? Its the 210 wedding that I have attended before. And yes..becos u are someone I know for years, my nieces, my nephew, my cousion, my friends, my best pal... U are all those to them and doing so much for them is not too much to ask you know.
Every effort you put in tells your guest how important they are. And the couple appreciate their guest present that is the reason why the couple is doing so much just to make them feel "happy" and "special" and they will be honour to be invited.
Think about this.
For people who is being invited to a wedding. Please understand and appreciate the hard work that has brought together.
PS: husband or husband to be of the bride. The above stress is so much that u can hardly imagine. Your bride wants to have a wonderful wedding all their life; therefore they will try so much to make it happen. We didn’t ask for the ROYAL wedding,we didn’t want to be the PERFECT one. We just want everything to goes beautifully. Most importantly is the moment of doing the things together,sharing the moment together. It’s the hard work of both to create the wonderful moment. This is what we want the most. Always remember… the above stress will build up a monster inside the bride. They will be emotional and temperamental for no reason; unreasonable for certain reason you don’t understand. Don’t forget… WE have PMS too during the time of the above stress. (endure the pain and still work on it… )
Just a little hugs and says "THANK YOU MY LOVE" and "I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU DID AND DO… THANK YOU"will be good. Dont take for granted. And think, she wants it, she deserve it, she have it. I dont have a husband who appreciate all the hard work I have done. And neither did he acknowledge why I turn into a monster when my stress level hits the peak, and didnt see why I get so upset over little thing.
I hope U guys out there understand this. "pack" your girl, she dont deserve all the stress work you know... She should be pamper and love by you. But having her stress on her own is not what she is asking for. She can endure all, but she needs your caring, your hug, your support, your participation (5% is more than enuf), your understand. Bring her to eat good food, tells her how much she looks in white gown, give her lots and lots of hugs and loves, She need it and believe me, when u do all this, there is no complaint, she will just fight like a warrior... She knows you are tired and stress with work, she knows u put in effort, she knows ur hardwork, she knows all, but she just want those little TLC (Tender loving care). Rather than complaining about her behavior and attitude on the wedding, take a second thoughts and think, Is this all about her?
Acknowledge the hard work, appreciate the stress and accept the fact that wedding is not easy... hahahaha.... Always remember, she don't do this for herself, She did it for "OUR" wedding. Honestly, if it is our own, we will be more strict.. hahahaha
If you guys feel stress, talk to your bride, tell me about it, listen to your bride explanation on why certain things need to be particular if you dont understand, tell them why you think its not necessary, let them know you are really burn out with work, trust me.. they understand, they wont bite you for not putting any more effort doing so... girls always have other enthusiastic girls to help. Even if you have no time participating, just ask "dear.. how is it going? Can i see the mock up" give constructive comment, or just "wow.. I am impress" Its so much better than dont care, dont bother, dont ask. If you think money can settle your stress, than tell your bride " babe.. if u need any cost, I will give you my full support" This will definitely be the best supportive thgs.. lol.
At the least take help your bride lessen the burden, not adding the burden by complaining her nagging, her unreasonable. You may feel they are, tell them, explain to them why... let them know they are over board. Bring them back on ground when they are flying too high... isnt this what a couple should do?
MOST IMPORTANT.... : We didnt ask for everything and throw the "everything" and demand you to do it. We ask for it, we do it, we did it and we manage it. We only need TLC.
Ladies... keep cool. Stress makes you look old, and tarnish your image, I have been there... and I am worst than anyone of you. At the least, I believe your hard work earn. mine don't.
Dear all if you really want a simple wedding......
The most easy and simple wedding is... ROM, signed the paper and leave for honeymoon. Perfect. no stress, no argument, no disagreement. save money, save time. PERFECT!!
PSPS:
If you think the above "wedding" is stress... actually not. because, the above stress can be easily settle by using $$ if you have more than enough. But...
A marriage is more stress than the wedding. Because the hard work to make a marriage work require more than hard work to makes it work. To walk together till old require 200x more than the above. And $$ cannot make a marriage work, its just one of the spice require in daily life. haha. Agree?
Thursday, 22 August 2013
The good or bad?
It's normal that every break up, it will turn from sad to hate. Becos when u hate a person, u tends to recall all the bad things the other Pierson did to you and hence easier to move on. But... For me, it cannot deny that our memories are not build with only the bad.
I can still remember how much he cares for me before. Company me to doctor when I am sick, how he try so hard to meet me every Wednesday , that was the happiest moment.. Always looking forward for the Wednesday to come.
I can remember how fantastic it is to hold and hug each other when we took the MRT home.
I can remember how happy I am every moment he surprise me with flower that sent to my office.
I can remember how wonderful it is when we hold each other so tightly in the cinema, enjoying every show, holding hand tightly, hug each other and talk about how funny and great about the movie.
I can remember how great it is every night he hug me to sleep. And how we fall asleep in each other arms.
I can remember how sweet he is when he bought me those gifts,
I can remember how wonderful it is when we decide to prepare the Christmas gift that we made ourself.
I can remember how much. Love seeing him each day, asking whether his 'pi sai' is out or not.
I can remember how wonderful it is when I hold him close to me.
I can remember how we discuss about what to how to make each other satisfy when we have love together .
I can remember how we enjoy ourself by the beach.. Talking about future and plan
I can remember remember how exciting it is when we travel together and enjoy every moment and every corner.
I can remember how we secretly book a hotel to have a exotic valentine day together.
I can remember the enjoyment we had in Taichung taking our wedding photos
I can remember how exciting we are preparing the wedding together before. But I don't understand why he don't feel it later.
I remember all the above and I appreciate what he did for me. Although its not real love, but I can feel the happiness.
I hope that day never happen and if it doesn't what will it lead to? Another reason for another fight? Or happily together and have what the above?
My request and demand for a little more love from him have cause him stress, make him drain. Makes me really hurt when he told me so.
My heart has broken. My feelings for him gone like wind. We are not compatible and a lot of different. But we have gone thru all the above... And yet, he chose to give up.
It breaks my heart to pieces and like a knife cut into it. But if forgotten the above and leave him will make him happier than what we have done above. Than I wish him all the best.
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
愛沒那麼簡單. 愛情就像塊玻璃，看起來堅硬卻太容易破碎。
为什么你看到的是你自己付出多少
却没看到我的付出和改变？
以往的我，眼里只有我。 但。。 你把我变成一个很依赖你的我。
以往的我，不削家的感觉， 你把我变成和你家人联系的很好的我。
你都没看到。 都没感觉吗？
却没看到我的付出和改变？
以往的我，眼里只有我。 但。。 你把我变成一个很依赖你的我。
以往的我，不削家的感觉， 你把我变成和你家人联系的很好的我。
你都没看到。 都没感觉吗？
Relationship that goes wrong part 2
Relationship is about communication, a 2 way communication. When 1 talk, the
other must listen and vice versa.
For the issue we had, the off day, the USS outing... His brother had already set an image about me. He is the family member, and he is not the way he used to be, and when he did that after knowing me and being with me. they already thought I am the one who influence him. And they believe he always listen to me and I always demand him to do things the way I wanted. But is this really what happen?
Follow on, we have a lot of issues. One of which is the house thing, when we decide about marriage, housing issue is a big problem. I already own a property and it's not possible for us to get a flat, unless my name is being withdraw out from the current one. Nothing can settle this problem except a lot of money. at least 200k to pay off my current loan and pay back CPF. I know he always wanted a family of his own, a home of his own, I know my issue cannot be settle easily.
- selling my current flat will disturb my parents, as my dad needs to travel to my brother place to take care of his kids EVERYDAY, so being nearby is important
- I am not willing to get a senior apartment for them; becos the house is really SMALL
- There isnt any 3 room flat available nearby my brother place
- I cant place my parents at my brother place, becos the place is already pack with 2 adults and 3kids with just only a 3 room place
- He suggested my brother to sell off his and mine and combine into a bigger unit so my parents can stay with him, but has he thought of whether my brother can handle financially??
The only way to solve the problem is buy a private property or pay off loans, while these 2 require money. And he said he can settle. I dont believe, and I know by settling, his intention is to loan from someone or somewhere. But why put ourselves into financial burden which will make us so stress in future? Every steps is not possible as mentioned above, I have also suggested that perhapes we shouldnt get married first, so he can apply for a flat and we can stay together. At least we have "our" time together.
He couldn't understand why I have that idea, he thinks that me being wanted our space is more important than married. I have explained this to him several times. We will not have any 2 person time together if we stay with our parents, We will even have NO US time when we have kids, so just stay together for at least 2 yrs will also helps us know each other better, isnt it better? Why does he think that I insist on this and hving he applying a flat is more important than getting together? See what happen now? He wants to make an annulment. If he takes my suggestion, we would be only breaking up.
And for giving me hope and shatter it one after another was really torturing, every time he tells me that his friend did this and that and it can be done, I being an expectation and hope towards it, but the end result is always NO really kills me... when we get the property agent and he told me NO WAY... my tears was about to drop. I was so sad. Do you know how it felt to have a hopeless hope? I really cannot take it anymore.
I even told him I have given up, lets move to his place. I knew its all my fault, therefore I didnt want to fight it anymore. For this issue, we really been thru hell.
Than come his FAMILY again. its always his family issue. Like I said before, I have probia having dinner with his family, I am not willing to go again, but I always try so hard to go and entertain them. And he is upset that i used the word "entertain" Well.... when I ask him what his expectation on relationship, he said relationship is like doing business. WHAT?? Why cant i use the word entertain than?
To him Business means serious, and he meant he is serious about relationship. Why can he just say SERIOUS? Then why can't I used "entertain" than? Entertain means mingle to me. Well.. He can say something like that and doesn't mean what it actually meant and I can't say something that what it actually doesn't mean it? When I get so work out on this issue, he said I am making a fuss out of nothing because of this.. And he gets angry, than when I used the word "entertain" his family instead of "mingle" he gets so work out and wanted a break up. Its the choice of words used, isn't this an example already?
When I am sick that day, his family had the dinner arranging at Katong. I told him I am not well and not going, He said his family is expecting me there and insist I go. I did... I was shivering... tired and sick, He said I can just appear and leave early if I am not feeling well. When I bring that up, he kept told me to endured as its ending soon. For his seek, I did.... end up, when I said its ok I cant go back on my own. He let me... no doubt he insist on sending me back, but its so near his home. The travel from him from east to west seem ridiculous. Why cant he just be more sensitive towards me? The person he kept saying he care... But he didnt after all. He was upset I reject his offer to send me back and so, he let me, ignores me till I msg him, and he said he visit his uncle in hospital. haiz
He always wants me to get along with his family which I did at the end, but he should know that he is the bridge between me and his family and its his duty is to bring me together with his family and his family closer towards me, and he shouldn't want me to just accept they are like this and expect me to be close to them by doing nothing. Arranging me to his family dinner and pretend nothing happen and they eat theirs and I have mine. And everytime his parents can ask his bro's wife to eat this and that, why not me? because I dont eat alot of things, if that is the case, why dont they understand that someone in there just dont eat those stuffs? Its a 2 way traffic u know.. and when the traffic light is not working, Traffic police is require to help and here he is the traffic police, but he is not helping.
He wants a wedding whereby everyone can give us blessing, and doing those, we need to put in effort to make his guests and my guests to feel special. Giving the guest a wonderful memories and ourself good memories about it so that whenever we look back, there is always happiness. The stress will be all worth it. Unfortunately he cannot cope with it, and its my fault to let him know how much other things is required to do and sharing and discuss every details with him. If I don't, things will happen differently. If he didn't promises he would help and didn't give me the wrong idea about what I wanted was what he wanted too, than I wouldn't have even discussed anything with him.
And when I try to slim down and reduce some weight, being a partner, it is his duty or her duty to give support. But instead of those, he said I am always commented that I am lying to myself. Its like a cold bucket of water pouring onto my head. He might not know how difficult it is for a person to go on diet, the stress he/she gone through and the kind of determination we need to put in and the torture we need to endure. All I need for him is "jia you" instead of telling me that its not gg to happen and I am lying to myself. This hurt u knows. especially from someone who U love so much.
Every single temper I throw always falls on his words and behaviour towards it. he used to be such a nice and sensitive person. But as we become couple, he becomes not the person I used to know. Was it all act out when he is trying to impress me? And when he gets what he wants and its really no point of impressing anymore?
And for now, I even know he ask my friend on how to know me better. instead of communicating with me which I kept telling him to do so, he ask my friend about me and from it, he assume he knows me well enough? And even he knows, and yet he didnt do it.
His biggest anger was when I am not willing to greet his dad when he visited his stall and I was behind the stall watching IPAD movies, and I even told him, I dont like being force to do something I didnt like to do. And insist on pretending I never see his dad. I know I was wrong doing so as I did disrespect his dad in anyway, I dont like his dad becos of his doing to his mum, so I have this thing about him. But we have already talk this over and I even told him that I wont do that again, i shouldnt have bring the issue upon us since its not our problem. He agreed. And for the next round when I met his dad, my attitude change, Honestly, I keep my words, I dont have bad blood with his dad anymore. I mean, I cannot agree with what he did, but it doesnt matter to me. becos His dad or mum is not the person I am going to spend my life with.. so Who cares? I only cares about his feeling, If he dont like me being so rude to his dad, i change.. and I did. I keep my words. But what he did?? bring up this issue over and over again.
The thing is, I am not wrong about hating his dad and dislike his dad. He tells me a different story about his parent divorce. I am not sure was he not known the true or not willing to accept the truth. His mum told me the other side of the story which makes me even look down on his dad. But he told me that he said his mum cry everynight becos of the failure marriage, he even told me that he promise himself that he will never do this and make his wife cry every night. But instead, he did what his dad done, make his wife cry everynight... like father like son.
He will never know the truth about the reason of divorce, he will always blame his mum for the failure marriage which he didnt know how much his mum went thru, when his mum told me what happen, she is still hurt and cry, we hug and I feel sorry for her even more.
He will never know this forever. till than he will always believe what his dad did was not wrong. When the actual fact ITS WRONG.
I am very sad to know him the way he is, but truely we have been very drain with the relationship together, he is trying so hard to know me and assume he knows me instead of reallys accept me as who I am,
I am trying so hard to make him realise that what I need for him is only his attention and abit of effort rather than making him change for me. We failed to communicate correctly and I failed to realise that he is not who he is when he is with me. I dont agree with his accusation of him wanting to listen to me always. Think back, everything we do and done, I always discuss and let him make the final decision, I only suggest the idea and he agree on it and we work it out. Never once I said I WANT U DO THIS.. NEVER... And I keep my promise as he wants me to do, but he never keep any promises he promise.
I have try to make this work, marriage is a lifetime commitment to me and I never have agree on annulment for just like this, but if he didnt want to keep it going and want to end it for any stupid reason and excuse he had, I cannot do much. If he keep dwelling on the past unhappiness issue, it will be forever a unhappy marriage. he level the relationship with all the unhappiness with happiness, I cannot do much for him as I always level it with happy or super happy moment.
I treasure this marriage but I want him to be happy, I hope he can be whereby I know he is now.
If this is what it meant to be,
I just hope that he can put in the same effort as he put in in his work to make a relationship works, rather than he only put in his work and not the relationship. There is always argument and disagreement, complaints, nagging... But escape and giving up is not a way, no relationship will work if no effort is put in. A successful marriage need to work out not drop it from heaven.
Good Bye my love.
For the issue we had, the off day, the USS outing... His brother had already set an image about me. He is the family member, and he is not the way he used to be, and when he did that after knowing me and being with me. they already thought I am the one who influence him. And they believe he always listen to me and I always demand him to do things the way I wanted. But is this really what happen?
Follow on, we have a lot of issues. One of which is the house thing, when we decide about marriage, housing issue is a big problem. I already own a property and it's not possible for us to get a flat, unless my name is being withdraw out from the current one. Nothing can settle this problem except a lot of money. at least 200k to pay off my current loan and pay back CPF. I know he always wanted a family of his own, a home of his own, I know my issue cannot be settle easily.
- selling my current flat will disturb my parents, as my dad needs to travel to my brother place to take care of his kids EVERYDAY, so being nearby is important
- I am not willing to get a senior apartment for them; becos the house is really SMALL
- There isnt any 3 room flat available nearby my brother place
- I cant place my parents at my brother place, becos the place is already pack with 2 adults and 3kids with just only a 3 room place
- He suggested my brother to sell off his and mine and combine into a bigger unit so my parents can stay with him, but has he thought of whether my brother can handle financially??
The only way to solve the problem is buy a private property or pay off loans, while these 2 require money. And he said he can settle. I dont believe, and I know by settling, his intention is to loan from someone or somewhere. But why put ourselves into financial burden which will make us so stress in future? Every steps is not possible as mentioned above, I have also suggested that perhapes we shouldnt get married first, so he can apply for a flat and we can stay together. At least we have "our" time together.
He couldn't understand why I have that idea, he thinks that me being wanted our space is more important than married. I have explained this to him several times. We will not have any 2 person time together if we stay with our parents, We will even have NO US time when we have kids, so just stay together for at least 2 yrs will also helps us know each other better, isnt it better? Why does he think that I insist on this and hving he applying a flat is more important than getting together? See what happen now? He wants to make an annulment. If he takes my suggestion, we would be only breaking up.
And for giving me hope and shatter it one after another was really torturing, every time he tells me that his friend did this and that and it can be done, I being an expectation and hope towards it, but the end result is always NO really kills me... when we get the property agent and he told me NO WAY... my tears was about to drop. I was so sad. Do you know how it felt to have a hopeless hope? I really cannot take it anymore.
I even told him I have given up, lets move to his place. I knew its all my fault, therefore I didnt want to fight it anymore. For this issue, we really been thru hell.
Than come his FAMILY again. its always his family issue. Like I said before, I have probia having dinner with his family, I am not willing to go again, but I always try so hard to go and entertain them. And he is upset that i used the word "entertain" Well.... when I ask him what his expectation on relationship, he said relationship is like doing business. WHAT?? Why cant i use the word entertain than?
To him Business means serious, and he meant he is serious about relationship. Why can he just say SERIOUS? Then why can't I used "entertain" than? Entertain means mingle to me. Well.. He can say something like that and doesn't mean what it actually meant and I can't say something that what it actually doesn't mean it? When I get so work out on this issue, he said I am making a fuss out of nothing because of this.. And he gets angry, than when I used the word "entertain" his family instead of "mingle" he gets so work out and wanted a break up. Its the choice of words used, isn't this an example already?
When I am sick that day, his family had the dinner arranging at Katong. I told him I am not well and not going, He said his family is expecting me there and insist I go. I did... I was shivering... tired and sick, He said I can just appear and leave early if I am not feeling well. When I bring that up, he kept told me to endured as its ending soon. For his seek, I did.... end up, when I said its ok I cant go back on my own. He let me... no doubt he insist on sending me back, but its so near his home. The travel from him from east to west seem ridiculous. Why cant he just be more sensitive towards me? The person he kept saying he care... But he didnt after all. He was upset I reject his offer to send me back and so, he let me, ignores me till I msg him, and he said he visit his uncle in hospital. haiz
He always wants me to get along with his family which I did at the end, but he should know that he is the bridge between me and his family and its his duty is to bring me together with his family and his family closer towards me, and he shouldn't want me to just accept they are like this and expect me to be close to them by doing nothing. Arranging me to his family dinner and pretend nothing happen and they eat theirs and I have mine. And everytime his parents can ask his bro's wife to eat this and that, why not me? because I dont eat alot of things, if that is the case, why dont they understand that someone in there just dont eat those stuffs? Its a 2 way traffic u know.. and when the traffic light is not working, Traffic police is require to help and here he is the traffic police, but he is not helping.
He wants a wedding whereby everyone can give us blessing, and doing those, we need to put in effort to make his guests and my guests to feel special. Giving the guest a wonderful memories and ourself good memories about it so that whenever we look back, there is always happiness. The stress will be all worth it. Unfortunately he cannot cope with it, and its my fault to let him know how much other things is required to do and sharing and discuss every details with him. If I don't, things will happen differently. If he didn't promises he would help and didn't give me the wrong idea about what I wanted was what he wanted too, than I wouldn't have even discussed anything with him.
And when I try to slim down and reduce some weight, being a partner, it is his duty or her duty to give support. But instead of those, he said I am always commented that I am lying to myself. Its like a cold bucket of water pouring onto my head. He might not know how difficult it is for a person to go on diet, the stress he/she gone through and the kind of determination we need to put in and the torture we need to endure. All I need for him is "jia you" instead of telling me that its not gg to happen and I am lying to myself. This hurt u knows. especially from someone who U love so much.
Every single temper I throw always falls on his words and behaviour towards it. he used to be such a nice and sensitive person. But as we become couple, he becomes not the person I used to know. Was it all act out when he is trying to impress me? And when he gets what he wants and its really no point of impressing anymore?
And for now, I even know he ask my friend on how to know me better. instead of communicating with me which I kept telling him to do so, he ask my friend about me and from it, he assume he knows me well enough? And even he knows, and yet he didnt do it.
His biggest anger was when I am not willing to greet his dad when he visited his stall and I was behind the stall watching IPAD movies, and I even told him, I dont like being force to do something I didnt like to do. And insist on pretending I never see his dad. I know I was wrong doing so as I did disrespect his dad in anyway, I dont like his dad becos of his doing to his mum, so I have this thing about him. But we have already talk this over and I even told him that I wont do that again, i shouldnt have bring the issue upon us since its not our problem. He agreed. And for the next round when I met his dad, my attitude change, Honestly, I keep my words, I dont have bad blood with his dad anymore. I mean, I cannot agree with what he did, but it doesnt matter to me. becos His dad or mum is not the person I am going to spend my life with.. so Who cares? I only cares about his feeling, If he dont like me being so rude to his dad, i change.. and I did. I keep my words. But what he did?? bring up this issue over and over again.
The thing is, I am not wrong about hating his dad and dislike his dad. He tells me a different story about his parent divorce. I am not sure was he not known the true or not willing to accept the truth. His mum told me the other side of the story which makes me even look down on his dad. But he told me that he said his mum cry everynight becos of the failure marriage, he even told me that he promise himself that he will never do this and make his wife cry every night. But instead, he did what his dad done, make his wife cry everynight... like father like son.
He will never know the truth about the reason of divorce, he will always blame his mum for the failure marriage which he didnt know how much his mum went thru, when his mum told me what happen, she is still hurt and cry, we hug and I feel sorry for her even more.
He will never know this forever. till than he will always believe what his dad did was not wrong. When the actual fact ITS WRONG.
I am very sad to know him the way he is, but truely we have been very drain with the relationship together, he is trying so hard to know me and assume he knows me instead of reallys accept me as who I am,
I am trying so hard to make him realise that what I need for him is only his attention and abit of effort rather than making him change for me. We failed to communicate correctly and I failed to realise that he is not who he is when he is with me. I dont agree with his accusation of him wanting to listen to me always. Think back, everything we do and done, I always discuss and let him make the final decision, I only suggest the idea and he agree on it and we work it out. Never once I said I WANT U DO THIS.. NEVER... And I keep my promise as he wants me to do, but he never keep any promises he promise.
I have try to make this work, marriage is a lifetime commitment to me and I never have agree on annulment for just like this, but if he didnt want to keep it going and want to end it for any stupid reason and excuse he had, I cannot do much. If he keep dwelling on the past unhappiness issue, it will be forever a unhappy marriage. he level the relationship with all the unhappiness with happiness, I cannot do much for him as I always level it with happy or super happy moment.
I treasure this marriage but I want him to be happy, I hope he can be whereby I know he is now.
If this is what it meant to be,
I just hope that he can put in the same effort as he put in in his work to make a relationship works, rather than he only put in his work and not the relationship. There is always argument and disagreement, complaints, nagging... But escape and giving up is not a way, no relationship will work if no effort is put in. A successful marriage need to work out not drop it from heaven.
Good Bye my love.
Relationship that goes wrong
Its been awhile since... and of course every little thing can triggle the
pain. It's not the hurt that causes the pain, but the memory of us that makes
it sad.
I have only flash of happiness moment we had together. And those we dont, I need a hard time thinking.
But when a relationship failed, its always the 2 that play the big part, like they said, it takes both hand to clap, To work it out also require both parties hard work, but 1 person can cause the damage.
Having to think from the beginning... the first meeting, it was not a good impression on both of us between the both of us. He is never the type of guy I wanted to date, and definitely not the type of person I want to be with. I believe he had the same feelings as I am because since I am not interested, I am always making things difficult for the other party, like being meant, being sarcastic etc. I also get to know that he actually have a own business which require him to work like 7days a week. For me, the most important love language is "quality time" and I believe this is something he couldn't give me in future. But he said, since business is his own and time definitely is not an issue as it can be arrange.... But this is not true.
I was very surprise to receive another text from him again asking for movie. Well.... no doubt I dont like him, but it was near my place and I have nothing to do, therefore I went out with him again. He was very gentleman and very sensitive guy from a start. And being with him seems comfortable. After the movie we went for dinner at Jurong point. I cannot remember was this the 2nd movies we went to or the 1st, but his enthuse and sensitivities change my concept about him.
The night after the dinner, he text me, asking whether is it possible for me to be his gf. Honestly, I dont see any comparison between us, and there is so much different between us... In religious, culture, eating habits and most importantly the "quality time" issue. .... I even told him all my bad habits and my bad temper. But he said he knows and have thought this over already and he said he is accepting who I am. I dont know whats get into me.... and I actually agree to it.
Honestly speaking. I cannot get myself into this relationship at all, I am trying very hard to commit into it, I even told myself he is not the one. But his sincerity, his patient, his sensitivity moves me. And when he left Singapore to do volunteer in Cambodia, I was impress with his kindness towards the people there, and I tell myself "someone with big heart is definitely a good person".
While he was there, he try his best to text me whenever he manage to get a WIFI. sending me photos of his whereabouts. Was quite irritating, but was also sweet. As a couple, I would definitely love the action he had done, but because I havent really committed into the relationship yet, I was very irritated by his action.
For the past weeks/months while we are together, he will always surprises me with his action. He said he remember I love surprises and he said... more surprises will come.. I was delighted. When I am sick, he make his way to my office to bring me to doctor, send me home, cares for me... I told myself that he is the one... Someone who really care for me, Someone who cherish me, Someone who treasure me as "bao bei" Since then I was over the moon. I feel like I am the more blessed girl in the whole world and heaven finally see my hurt and listen to my prayer and send me an angel to be with me. I mean when we are in a Family… our parents have to spilt their love between the sibling and ourselves, and the sibling will have their own friends and family. Who is the person who is going to be with me for long??? There is no other than the partner we find for ourselves.
But couple always have couple issue... There are part whereby we need to get along more. And I will have to be honest about how I felt for him and was hoping he do the same. And this is where everything went wrong.
I remember I confess with him about my sexual desire.. I told him that I was a high drive person and sex is very important to me. Instead of being impressed, he said that something might be wrong with me and I need to control myself. WHAT? I am not sure whether is he telling me a joke or was he serious, but I did clarify this and very sure he said was what he thinks. OK.. This is no joke, Sex is a part whereby a couple need to enjoy it. But if my partner is not into this.. Than... It will lead to a tragedy. For this answer, I have pull myself off the hook. I cant accept this. Therefore, I make a decision to end it asap. So I told him, since its not our common thoughts on this, we should end this relationship before we fall deeper. I was sad, I was disappointed.
For this, he appear in my office and beg me to listen to his explanation. he cried that night and so am I. He said he didnt meant what he said and he dunno why he always put our relationship in hot soup, he admitted that he is not good with words and blah blah blah.... I dont know at this point whether is he telling the truth, I am not sure after this, will he try so hard trying to impress me. But I didnt really just give up our relationship at that point, I was disappointed, but I still want this happen. I accepted his excuses and apology and we continue...
For months we are together, we always have hicups, its always what he said that pissed me off or upset and hurt me.
The worst nightmare I had its his family dinner. When he decide to introduce me into the family. I was excited, I tried to learn what Patents is in chinese, I even talk to myself and see whether my explanation work, I am eager to meet them because since Steve, I have never been serious about relationship or met a guy who are serious about it. I even ask him what I need to wear to look good and he suggested that top he likes and commented I look good on that, and I worn it to that "SPECIAL" dinner.
To my horror... the 2 hour dinner was torturing me. No one was interested about me, no one talks to me except him, no one smile at me for more than 5 min, no one give me the eye contact for more than 5min except his brother's maid. And make things worst, he saw his old colleague and was chatting away for the past 30mins. I feel so awkward that I really want to leave the place immediately. I didnt even dare took out my hp to play game because I was bored as it is rude to do that, playing away my phone... But NO ONES TALKS TO ME!!!!!!!!!! I was like a transparent glass... I so wanted to cry... so wanted to leave... So being ignore... and the feeling of being ignore is damn uncomfortable. But I chose to stay, becos I treasure the man beside me, I dont care what and how the family treat me, the most impt to me is the man I am spending my life with. So I tell myself this... and carry on... if it was me before, i would have given a silly excuse and left.
After the dinner, he send me home, he can even ask me how it was? OMG!! Well, I am not a person who pretends nothing happen. I told him exactly how I felt; Guess what, he said, his family is like that. WHAT??? I began to wonder... what is this dinner about?. Introducing me into the family? Or just to see the actual person and after seeing... hm.. Ok lor, nothing else.. He told me that I should get along with them often, so as to know each other better and get use to it... well... I was shivering down my spine. My mind was telling me... PLEASE NO MORE DINNER....
The thing is, I am not being difficult, I am not wanting to be like a STAR of the family that everyone need to pay attention to me, But when your SON had finally got a GF and being a family, they should show interest on the person their son love isnt it? I dont need super attention actually, but at least show interest by asking me something like my family etc... Even thought you might have know, but just make me feel welcome. And he being with the SON of the family who should help me failed to do so.. What would u expect me to do? I have been nice to stay till end of it, ask around those people who knows me, I would have just left like I mentioned, who will sit down there kuai kuai for the 2hrs being ignore and treat invisible??? I doubt he can do the same for me if it happen to me.
I understand when I like a person, I have to like the family too, and getting along with the family is also a MUST, but somehow he couldnt understand. I AM A STRANGER to his family and they are STRANGER to me too. And the only person that both side know is HIM. And whether to mingle or get along require his help to put us together. And not tarnish my name infront of them.
He would always complaint things to his sibling whenever we have a disagreement, telling them what I told him. Like the company outing... he promise to go even after asking him several checks for the past 2 mths. Than at the last min, he told me he make a mistake and he cant go. I mean... I already paid and registered why NOW? Then he begin to said he will do something about it. And his "do something" is insist on taking off on a SAT, whereby his sister and father is going china to get stocks and leaving his younger brother alone mending the stall and get his mum to stall for help. WHY? Because he wanted visit USS and have fun with Jennie. WTH....??? What for this, what does ur family think about me? I am being unreasonable, and making him doing such a thing, they properly start thinking... hey... my bro is not like this before he know this woman... and now because of this woman, he just go and get mum to help and tired everyone.??? NO WAY
I cannot agree on this, I tried stopping him doing so, but he said he insist on doing it.. Great!! Now my name in his family are worst than whatever. I am upset not becos he cannot go for the company outing, I am upset for him to do such a thing. How can he ask his mum to mend the shop and he just enjoy himself elsewhere? And of cos I didnt go with him, and guess what, it was during my exam period and I really have no extra mind to think about what should I do next... therefore I told him, I need to have peace for my study and we talk about it after my exam.
To be Cont...............
I have only flash of happiness moment we had together. And those we dont, I need a hard time thinking.
But when a relationship failed, its always the 2 that play the big part, like they said, it takes both hand to clap, To work it out also require both parties hard work, but 1 person can cause the damage.
Having to think from the beginning... the first meeting, it was not a good impression on both of us between the both of us. He is never the type of guy I wanted to date, and definitely not the type of person I want to be with. I believe he had the same feelings as I am because since I am not interested, I am always making things difficult for the other party, like being meant, being sarcastic etc. I also get to know that he actually have a own business which require him to work like 7days a week. For me, the most important love language is "quality time" and I believe this is something he couldn't give me in future. But he said, since business is his own and time definitely is not an issue as it can be arrange.... But this is not true.
I was very surprise to receive another text from him again asking for movie. Well.... no doubt I dont like him, but it was near my place and I have nothing to do, therefore I went out with him again. He was very gentleman and very sensitive guy from a start. And being with him seems comfortable. After the movie we went for dinner at Jurong point. I cannot remember was this the 2nd movies we went to or the 1st, but his enthuse and sensitivities change my concept about him.
The night after the dinner, he text me, asking whether is it possible for me to be his gf. Honestly, I dont see any comparison between us, and there is so much different between us... In religious, culture, eating habits and most importantly the "quality time" issue. .... I even told him all my bad habits and my bad temper. But he said he knows and have thought this over already and he said he is accepting who I am. I dont know whats get into me.... and I actually agree to it.
Honestly speaking. I cannot get myself into this relationship at all, I am trying very hard to commit into it, I even told myself he is not the one. But his sincerity, his patient, his sensitivity moves me. And when he left Singapore to do volunteer in Cambodia, I was impress with his kindness towards the people there, and I tell myself "someone with big heart is definitely a good person".
While he was there, he try his best to text me whenever he manage to get a WIFI. sending me photos of his whereabouts. Was quite irritating, but was also sweet. As a couple, I would definitely love the action he had done, but because I havent really committed into the relationship yet, I was very irritated by his action.
For the past weeks/months while we are together, he will always surprises me with his action. He said he remember I love surprises and he said... more surprises will come.. I was delighted. When I am sick, he make his way to my office to bring me to doctor, send me home, cares for me... I told myself that he is the one... Someone who really care for me, Someone who cherish me, Someone who treasure me as "bao bei" Since then I was over the moon. I feel like I am the more blessed girl in the whole world and heaven finally see my hurt and listen to my prayer and send me an angel to be with me. I mean when we are in a Family… our parents have to spilt their love between the sibling and ourselves, and the sibling will have their own friends and family. Who is the person who is going to be with me for long??? There is no other than the partner we find for ourselves.
But couple always have couple issue... There are part whereby we need to get along more. And I will have to be honest about how I felt for him and was hoping he do the same. And this is where everything went wrong.
I remember I confess with him about my sexual desire.. I told him that I was a high drive person and sex is very important to me. Instead of being impressed, he said that something might be wrong with me and I need to control myself. WHAT? I am not sure whether is he telling me a joke or was he serious, but I did clarify this and very sure he said was what he thinks. OK.. This is no joke, Sex is a part whereby a couple need to enjoy it. But if my partner is not into this.. Than... It will lead to a tragedy. For this answer, I have pull myself off the hook. I cant accept this. Therefore, I make a decision to end it asap. So I told him, since its not our common thoughts on this, we should end this relationship before we fall deeper. I was sad, I was disappointed.
For this, he appear in my office and beg me to listen to his explanation. he cried that night and so am I. He said he didnt meant what he said and he dunno why he always put our relationship in hot soup, he admitted that he is not good with words and blah blah blah.... I dont know at this point whether is he telling the truth, I am not sure after this, will he try so hard trying to impress me. But I didnt really just give up our relationship at that point, I was disappointed, but I still want this happen. I accepted his excuses and apology and we continue...
For months we are together, we always have hicups, its always what he said that pissed me off or upset and hurt me.
The worst nightmare I had its his family dinner. When he decide to introduce me into the family. I was excited, I tried to learn what Patents is in chinese, I even talk to myself and see whether my explanation work, I am eager to meet them because since Steve, I have never been serious about relationship or met a guy who are serious about it. I even ask him what I need to wear to look good and he suggested that top he likes and commented I look good on that, and I worn it to that "SPECIAL" dinner.
To my horror... the 2 hour dinner was torturing me. No one was interested about me, no one talks to me except him, no one smile at me for more than 5 min, no one give me the eye contact for more than 5min except his brother's maid. And make things worst, he saw his old colleague and was chatting away for the past 30mins. I feel so awkward that I really want to leave the place immediately. I didnt even dare took out my hp to play game because I was bored as it is rude to do that, playing away my phone... But NO ONES TALKS TO ME!!!!!!!!!! I was like a transparent glass... I so wanted to cry... so wanted to leave... So being ignore... and the feeling of being ignore is damn uncomfortable. But I chose to stay, becos I treasure the man beside me, I dont care what and how the family treat me, the most impt to me is the man I am spending my life with. So I tell myself this... and carry on... if it was me before, i would have given a silly excuse and left.
After the dinner, he send me home, he can even ask me how it was? OMG!! Well, I am not a person who pretends nothing happen. I told him exactly how I felt; Guess what, he said, his family is like that. WHAT??? I began to wonder... what is this dinner about?. Introducing me into the family? Or just to see the actual person and after seeing... hm.. Ok lor, nothing else.. He told me that I should get along with them often, so as to know each other better and get use to it... well... I was shivering down my spine. My mind was telling me... PLEASE NO MORE DINNER....
The thing is, I am not being difficult, I am not wanting to be like a STAR of the family that everyone need to pay attention to me, But when your SON had finally got a GF and being a family, they should show interest on the person their son love isnt it? I dont need super attention actually, but at least show interest by asking me something like my family etc... Even thought you might have know, but just make me feel welcome. And he being with the SON of the family who should help me failed to do so.. What would u expect me to do? I have been nice to stay till end of it, ask around those people who knows me, I would have just left like I mentioned, who will sit down there kuai kuai for the 2hrs being ignore and treat invisible??? I doubt he can do the same for me if it happen to me.
I understand when I like a person, I have to like the family too, and getting along with the family is also a MUST, but somehow he couldnt understand. I AM A STRANGER to his family and they are STRANGER to me too. And the only person that both side know is HIM. And whether to mingle or get along require his help to put us together. And not tarnish my name infront of them.
He would always complaint things to his sibling whenever we have a disagreement, telling them what I told him. Like the company outing... he promise to go even after asking him several checks for the past 2 mths. Than at the last min, he told me he make a mistake and he cant go. I mean... I already paid and registered why NOW? Then he begin to said he will do something about it. And his "do something" is insist on taking off on a SAT, whereby his sister and father is going china to get stocks and leaving his younger brother alone mending the stall and get his mum to stall for help. WHY? Because he wanted visit USS and have fun with Jennie. WTH....??? What for this, what does ur family think about me? I am being unreasonable, and making him doing such a thing, they properly start thinking... hey... my bro is not like this before he know this woman... and now because of this woman, he just go and get mum to help and tired everyone.??? NO WAY
I cannot agree on this, I tried stopping him doing so, but he said he insist on doing it.. Great!! Now my name in his family are worst than whatever. I am upset not becos he cannot go for the company outing, I am upset for him to do such a thing. How can he ask his mum to mend the shop and he just enjoy himself elsewhere? And of cos I didnt go with him, and guess what, it was during my exam period and I really have no extra mind to think about what should I do next... therefore I told him, I need to have peace for my study and we talk about it after my exam.
To be Cont...............
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