For the issue we had, the off day, the USS outing... His brother had already set an image about me. He is the family member, and he is not the way he used to be, and when he did that after knowing me and being with me. they already thought I am the one who influence him. And they believe he always listen to me and I always demand him to do things the way I wanted. But is this really what happen?
Follow on, we have a lot of issues. One of which is the house thing, when we decide about marriage, housing issue is a big problem. I already own a property and it's not possible for us to get a flat, unless my name is being withdraw out from the current one. Nothing can settle this problem except a lot of money. at least 200k to pay off my current loan and pay back CPF. I know he always wanted a family of his own, a home of his own, I know my issue cannot be settle easily.
- selling my current flat will disturb my parents, as my dad needs to travel to my brother place to take care of his kids EVERYDAY, so being nearby is important
- I am not willing to get a senior apartment for them; becos the house is really SMALL
- There isnt any 3 room flat available nearby my brother place
- I cant place my parents at my brother place, becos the place is already pack with 2 adults and 3kids with just only a 3 room place
- He suggested my brother to sell off his and mine and combine into a bigger unit so my parents can stay with him, but has he thought of whether my brother can handle financially??
The only way to solve the problem is buy a private property or pay off loans, while these 2 require money. And he said he can settle. I dont believe, and I know by settling, his intention is to loan from someone or somewhere. But why put ourselves into financial burden which will make us so stress in future? Every steps is not possible as mentioned above, I have also suggested that perhapes we shouldnt get married first, so he can apply for a flat and we can stay together. At least we have "our" time together.
He couldn't understand why I have that idea, he thinks that me being wanted our space is more important than married. I have explained this to him several times. We will not have any 2 person time together if we stay with our parents, We will even have NO US time when we have kids, so just stay together for at least 2 yrs will also helps us know each other better, isnt it better? Why does he think that I insist on this and hving he applying a flat is more important than getting together? See what happen now? He wants to make an annulment. If he takes my suggestion, we would be only breaking up.
And for giving me hope and shatter it one after another was really torturing, every time he tells me that his friend did this and that and it can be done, I being an expectation and hope towards it, but the end result is always NO really kills me... when we get the property agent and he told me NO WAY... my tears was about to drop. I was so sad. Do you know how it felt to have a hopeless hope? I really cannot take it anymore.
I even told him I have given up, lets move to his place. I knew its all my fault, therefore I didnt want to fight it anymore. For this issue, we really been thru hell.
Than come his FAMILY again. its always his family issue. Like I said before, I have probia having dinner with his family, I am not willing to go again, but I always try so hard to go and entertain them. And he is upset that i used the word "entertain" Well.... when I ask him what his expectation on relationship, he said relationship is like doing business. WHAT?? Why cant i use the word entertain than?
To him Business means serious, and he meant he is serious about relationship. Why can he just say SERIOUS? Then why can't I used "entertain" than? Entertain means mingle to me. Well.. He can say something like that and doesn't mean what it actually meant and I can't say something that what it actually doesn't mean it? When I get so work out on this issue, he said I am making a fuss out of nothing because of this.. And he gets angry, than when I used the word "entertain" his family instead of "mingle" he gets so work out and wanted a break up. Its the choice of words used, isn't this an example already?
When I am sick that day, his family had the dinner arranging at Katong. I told him I am not well and not going, He said his family is expecting me there and insist I go. I did... I was shivering... tired and sick, He said I can just appear and leave early if I am not feeling well. When I bring that up, he kept told me to endured as its ending soon. For his seek, I did.... end up, when I said its ok I cant go back on my own. He let me... no doubt he insist on sending me back, but its so near his home. The travel from him from east to west seem ridiculous. Why cant he just be more sensitive towards me? The person he kept saying he care... But he didnt after all. He was upset I reject his offer to send me back and so, he let me, ignores me till I msg him, and he said he visit his uncle in hospital. haiz
He always wants me to get along with his family which I did at the end, but he should know that he is the bridge between me and his family and its his duty is to bring me together with his family and his family closer towards me, and he shouldn't want me to just accept they are like this and expect me to be close to them by doing nothing. Arranging me to his family dinner and pretend nothing happen and they eat theirs and I have mine. And everytime his parents can ask his bro's wife to eat this and that, why not me? because I dont eat alot of things, if that is the case, why dont they understand that someone in there just dont eat those stuffs? Its a 2 way traffic u know.. and when the traffic light is not working, Traffic police is require to help and here he is the traffic police, but he is not helping.
He wants a wedding whereby everyone can give us blessing, and doing those, we need to put in effort to make his guests and my guests to feel special. Giving the guest a wonderful memories and ourself good memories about it so that whenever we look back, there is always happiness. The stress will be all worth it. Unfortunately he cannot cope with it, and its my fault to let him know how much other things is required to do and sharing and discuss every details with him. If I don't, things will happen differently. If he didn't promises he would help and didn't give me the wrong idea about what I wanted was what he wanted too, than I wouldn't have even discussed anything with him.
And when I try to slim down and reduce some weight, being a partner, it is his duty or her duty to give support. But instead of those, he said I am always commented that I am lying to myself. Its like a cold bucket of water pouring onto my head. He might not know how difficult it is for a person to go on diet, the stress he/she gone through and the kind of determination we need to put in and the torture we need to endure. All I need for him is "jia you" instead of telling me that its not gg to happen and I am lying to myself. This hurt u knows. especially from someone who U love so much.
Every single temper I throw always falls on his words and behaviour towards it. he used to be such a nice and sensitive person. But as we become couple, he becomes not the person I used to know. Was it all act out when he is trying to impress me? And when he gets what he wants and its really no point of impressing anymore?
And for now, I even know he ask my friend on how to know me better. instead of communicating with me which I kept telling him to do so, he ask my friend about me and from it, he assume he knows me well enough? And even he knows, and yet he didnt do it.
His biggest anger was when I am not willing to greet his dad when he visited his stall and I was behind the stall watching IPAD movies, and I even told him, I dont like being force to do something I didnt like to do. And insist on pretending I never see his dad. I know I was wrong doing so as I did disrespect his dad in anyway, I dont like his dad becos of his doing to his mum, so I have this thing about him. But we have already talk this over and I even told him that I wont do that again, i shouldnt have bring the issue upon us since its not our problem. He agreed. And for the next round when I met his dad, my attitude change, Honestly, I keep my words, I dont have bad blood with his dad anymore. I mean, I cannot agree with what he did, but it doesnt matter to me. becos His dad or mum is not the person I am going to spend my life with.. so Who cares? I only cares about his feeling, If he dont like me being so rude to his dad, i change.. and I did. I keep my words. But what he did?? bring up this issue over and over again.
The thing is, I am not wrong about hating his dad and dislike his dad. He tells me a different story about his parent divorce. I am not sure was he not known the true or not willing to accept the truth. His mum told me the other side of the story which makes me even look down on his dad. But he told me that he said his mum cry everynight becos of the failure marriage, he even told me that he promise himself that he will never do this and make his wife cry every night. But instead, he did what his dad done, make his wife cry everynight... like father like son.
He will never know the truth about the reason of divorce, he will always blame his mum for the failure marriage which he didnt know how much his mum went thru, when his mum told me what happen, she is still hurt and cry, we hug and I feel sorry for her even more.
He will never know this forever. till than he will always believe what his dad did was not wrong. When the actual fact ITS WRONG.
I am very sad to know him the way he is, but truely we have been very drain with the relationship together, he is trying so hard to know me and assume he knows me instead of reallys accept me as who I am,
I am trying so hard to make him realise that what I need for him is only his attention and abit of effort rather than making him change for me. We failed to communicate correctly and I failed to realise that he is not who he is when he is with me. I dont agree with his accusation of him wanting to listen to me always. Think back, everything we do and done, I always discuss and let him make the final decision, I only suggest the idea and he agree on it and we work it out. Never once I said I WANT U DO THIS.. NEVER... And I keep my promise as he wants me to do, but he never keep any promises he promise.
I have try to make this work, marriage is a lifetime commitment to me and I never have agree on annulment for just like this, but if he didnt want to keep it going and want to end it for any stupid reason and excuse he had, I cannot do much. If he keep dwelling on the past unhappiness issue, it will be forever a unhappy marriage. he level the relationship with all the unhappiness with happiness, I cannot do much for him as I always level it with happy or super happy moment.
I treasure this marriage but I want him to be happy, I hope he can be whereby I know he is now.
If this is what it meant to be,
I just hope that he can put in the same effort as he put in in his work to make a relationship works, rather than he only put in his work and not the relationship. There is always argument and disagreement, complaints, nagging... But escape and giving up is not a way, no relationship will work if no effort is put in. A successful marriage need to work out not drop it from heaven.
Good Bye my love.
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