Totally hopeless

The hate, the pain and the ordeal I have been thru has never been easy for me... When I look around, people, friends and relatives have been happily married with kids etc... No doubt they might have issue that I never know, or not being told, but they go thru what life is for them regardless ready or not. But why is mine in such a bad shape? 

Everyone know that it's his decision to end our marriage with a pretty ridiculous reason, or not even a reason. But definately the stress of us being thru is draining both of us. That is why I am being not the way I am and he is turning into the way he is. 

Above all the above, I still miss him at time, still hoping that is a change. I know it wouldn't. But the feeling in me was so strong to wish to see that we walk thru it. I hated him for giving up just like that, for not even want to fight for it. I hated him for all the promises he made which now turn out to be all fake, I hate his reaction and effort he put in and just give up so easily. I hate him for forgetting all the happiness we been thru and only remember the hate , and i hate it why it's me? 

If its only the status of "married" why pick me? Why pick someone who he need to put so much effort in and not those people who are desperate for marriage? There are girls who is willing to go all the way just to get themselves married. 

I know that I feel the way I am feeling now because of the loneliness within. And stop all doing which we have been doing for the past 1 year. Why is it so easy for him. Just like that. 

I still missed him, still liked him. But I am scare... So in secure even with him.