Its been 2 good months since its happen. No doubt the pain still within, but with someone who is so heartless, I can only choose to move on and live with it.
I can understand how he felt when he was with me. He is totally clueless how to deal with me when he is with me. Isnt it feel unsecure when he is clueless? why does he still want to get married with me? why insist?
So much thing he have done, and yet still dont understand me. Asking around my friend on what kind of a person I am. Isnt it obvious enough for him to understand that I like him for the person he is. In fact, when get into a relationship, we dont have to understand a person at all, we just need to know the person and accept the person.
For me, I definately dont understand what kind of a person he is, till now... I still couldnt understand. I can only say, I know who is he, and accept what he is. A person who have so many bad habits and yet, I choose to live with it and accept it. I didnt say that I am a perfect person. I have my own problems too. But didnt the person who said loved me should infact accept who I am?
I remembered I have been such a bad person when I first met. that was not me at all, yet I have to exaggerate my behaviour so he can back off. But he didnt. And i thg he is different.
Anyway, no matter what it is. I cannot forgive him for seeing marriage so lightly. I know how much he have done to make this relationship work. I know he has try his best, but all the things he have done was not in the right way.
Asking around my friend about me and assume he knows me very well is wrong. I kept telling him that as a couple. we need to communicate. Communicate doesnt mean I am the one who always talk and he only do the listening. He have to talk too, its a 2 way thing to make it a communication.
Assuming he knows me very well is not the way to get long with people. You can only know how a person behaviour is by mingle with the person. Not assume as it is.
He was the one who told me that we should face the problem together and we should never say "break up" so easily to spoilt the relationship, at the end, he was the one who is running away from the problems, not to face them.
I believe he is really happy now. Because all he wants is being himself, mend the shop, go to work and not even wish to put in any effort into getting along with the person he so call "love one" Who doesnt want it, but we choose to fight it becos love is what make it worth. So dont come telling me that I dont know what he have done for what is call love. No. he didnt. If he does, he would have fight till the end.
If he can adapt to all the stress he have for work and his own family, why can he accept the stress he is going thru on his own happiness. why can he only accept his own stress is draining him and not accepting the fact that he is giving his partner a unsecurity feelings and stress?
Being a man, he should be able to handle it well, fight it and face it. So can I said he is not a MAN?
I didnt want to blame anyone, but his coward makes me look down on him, makes me regret the time when i know him, make me regret marrying him, makes me regret knowing him, even regret replying his email. If i didnt do that, nothing will start, and I wouldnt be this heart break.
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