I really hope guys out there who are a groom soon, or wanted to be a groom can read this and understand how ur bride's feel. I don’t represent the entire woman out there, but I believe the kind of stress will be similar and the expectation is always simple to understand.
I have been through, and I get the same tension from my friends whose wedding is approaching.And I can totally understand her stress and uneasy feel.
For being in the situation myself, I know the pain and horror a bride can go through. The stress level is so much that we start thinking "what if", "what if" and "what if" every night and every single moment when our mind is not occupy by something else. And it will get even worse when the days are getting near. Yes.. tell ourself, Its ok, take it easy, relax… but it's not easy.
The groom is equally stressing too, no doubt for that. Therefore their reaction to ease their stress is tried not to think too much or think about it. This the bride even more upset than ever. They might be thinking, why do we have to do so much to make our self into such situation? Yes… indeed why?
Think about this, wedding itself is not the reason for stress, its should be a beautiful thing… seeing your man in suit giving his promises to you. Seeing your lady in white, giving herself to you. So wonderful isn’t it?
The"stress" step in when both of us decide to extend our invitation to relatives and friends actually. You can convince yourself to make this less painful by doing it "simple" but the behind the "simple"its never will be. Because it’s the host responsibility to make sure the guest you invited feel comfortable, feel happy, feel welcome and feel great.
Every event we see happen it's never easy for the organization who organizes it. It's always the pain and hard work behind scene we never see.
Never done an event before? What about inviting friends or relatives to your place for a get along? Do you not try your best to make sure your guest have the best food so they enjoy eating? Give the best entertainment so that they won't feel boring or left out? Do you not make sure the place is tidy up and not dirty? Do you not make sure they have all sort of drinks that cater for different friends or relatives you invite?
Wedding is a big event. How many invitations can you invite in your life time for people around you to give you the sincere blessing and enjoy the happy moment with you? ONE… well, there might be a few for some case of course. But think of the very 1st wedding.
If you give an excuse like "I don’t know what to do, don’t know how, I have never done this before" than put these words to your bride too. What makes you think she knows what to do as it's also her first. But because of your "don’t know how"the bride will usually do the rest just to take away those stress from you.
And when a bride takes over, she usually wants it to be nicely done. Always remember this,not because she loves taking control. But she wants to make sure YOURS and HERS wedding is a good one. Making sure all guest are well taken in her hand,making sure all guest are happy in the wedding event. I can be sure if the wedding has none of her own guests but only the groom. She will still make the best out of it.
How many time during the preparation of the wedding, the groom actually initial the wants and suggestion? How many time does the groom actually give constructive idea, And every time a discussion and asking for the groom's idea turn up to be "ok ah", "can lah" giving them 10 options, out of the 10, all 10 are good. -sigh- how many time we heard that "aiya... guys are like that.. " but how many time do we tell ourself " but my guy are not those "all guys"? "
How many groom actually appreciate what the his bride done by saying "thank you". How many grooms will actually share the preparation? I can’t say there isn’t… I have friends (groom) in fact doing all the mentioned and the bride are the one waiting for the day to come... I hope I am the bride seriously.... There is and I know.. but rare, and if you are one of them, you should know how stress it is arrange and organizing it.
Let us see what we need to do:
1. wedding themes – you need to have a theme for the wedding so as to prepare for everything, this make it easier, if not everything mix with anything will be a mess, imagine if you are holding a Chinese wedding and RSVP your guest to wearing BLACK or WHITE. Its not important, but it’s the direction that brings one event more meaningful.
2. Wedding photos - is the pre wedding photo ready on that day? Do we want to bring the big bed frame photo or something else? Do you have enough"thank you" cards for the friends and relatives to have them.
3. Invitation – who to invite, how many, where do they sit, sit with who? what food they cater for (vegetarian, halal etc)
4. Invitation card – the printing, the details of the printing, the names appear on the card, quantity of the card. Do we want to give our wedding photo to the entire guest? Is the invitation card enough to be given away? To be hand deliver or post?
5. Wedding song – What is the song use for 1stmarch in, 2nd march in (if any). What song for the childhood montage,songs to play along the dinner
6. Childhood montage – selection of the photos, songs,chase the person who is doing to be ready, view and check the outcome before final result.
7. The decoration of the reception table – What should be display, making sure there be enough room for guest to look at the wedding photos and sign the guest book
8. Wedding favor – Its not a door gift that everyone thought, Wedding favors are a symbol of the gratitude the bride and groom feel for sharing in one of their most important moments of their lives. Guests cherish wedding favors - it is the universal "Thank You for Sharing in Our Day". How will your guests remember your wedding apart from all other weddings they have been to? Quite simply: with the wedding favors you choose to distribute. Choose a favor that really means something, one that is practical and long lasting or one that suits your wedding's theme. Give a favor that makes an impression - one that stands out - something absolutely fabulous that won't break your bank.
9. Photographer/Videographers– The arrangement with them require coordinating, sharing what you expect,seeing their work, discuss about the details, time they exit your wedding etc.
10. Sisters/brothers- their duties on the wedding, who is in charge of what, and doing what, their dress code.
11. Wine –to cater for the banquet, do we take the hotel/restaurant wine? Or own? Price ofit, brand of it, taste of it.
12. Parents dressing– usually the bridal take care of only the jacket of the "fathers". Leaving out the pants and inner shirt. What about the mummy? It’s a wedding day; your parents need to look fantastic too. If they have the idea of going shopping on their own it will be great, but usually the daughter will be company the mother to do shopping.
13. Makeup artist– making sure the MUA is on time on the actual day, other than you, do your"sister" and mum require their services too? If so, MUA assistant is require to be present for help.
14. Gate clash- The bride need to discuss the games to play, the timing require… making sure no crazy games that make our groom stress.
15. Ang bao - ang bao to be given to the brothers/ sisters and kids around the house, how much to give etc
16. TimeTable – what time should finish the gate clash game, what time to leave to groom hse, what to time leave and back to bride house, what time to let the photographer/videographer go for the morning highlight (if any),what time to reach the banquet, what time do we expect the photographer/videographer to reach the banquet, what time do we expect the MUA to be at the banquet, how much time do we expect the MUA to do the makeup for the bride, the sisters/mothers etc, What time should the couple be at the reception expecting the guest, what time to start the dinner, what time to march in, what time for2nd march in (in any) what time to mingle around, what time to talk, when to take photo around the dinner, what time to pack the items outside the dinner etc
17. Any other matters
- Xi bi –for Chinese custom – who to give, how to give, what to give
- Renovation of the room/hse – furniture, painting, décor, bed etc
- Spring cleaning– cleaning the house, room for guest to be present on that day
- Shopping for wedding stuffs (stickers/ribbons/angbaos etc etc
- Buffet catering– if it is require by the family to have it at the morning for the neighbour.
- Planning of honeymoon destination – where, cost, time etc
Its crazy YES… indeed and I totally agreed, definitely all the above can be handle easily, but by doing it and making sure that the above was done well it’s a kind of stress we face.
We didn’t want a perfect 100% error free wedding. We just want to make sure the above was handle with care, and making sure the above went on well. No doubt, accidents do happen and hiccup may happen.
But if we did our best and yet happen. Accept it, laugh it and move on..And after this, when your friend ask you about the preparation, I believe you tell them... "just a simple one.. I didn't do much really" even though you do so much.
Everyone may need to go through the above once. But it will be all worth it at the end result. Its a lot of hell time going through all the above and prepare all the above. But it will be heaven after it. You will appreciate the effort you put in when u see the smile in your guest enjoying the every moment in your wedding.
Guys… If you have not help much in the above and feel it's too much to be done, your bride is doing it no matter what.Don’t take for granted and say… "I didn’t ask for all these" or" why must do so much? Just eat and go and end the night" …. Please give ur support to your bride who is doing such just to make sure her guest and YOUR is special. No doubt you might thought their understand you. Putting youself in your guests shoe. Have you not attend a wedding before? If you go to a wedding who makes u sit on a uncomfortable chair, dark alley, bad customer service restaurant, no photos to see, no montage to view, little to no air con, dirty toilets, no wedding "feel" wedding dinner, no wedding favour, just ANG BAO BOX FOR YOUR ANGBAO. What is the 1st thoughts you have in your mind? Comparing to a wedding with great service, great food,good music, pretty wedding photo to view, special montage to see, bright and nicely décor restaurant, useful and nice wedding favour with a little note of"thank you for sharing this moment with us" Be honest come on…We didnt want to be a GRAND one or make everything perfect, but at the least, put a little effort to make ur guest feel something different. Whats so special about your wedding? Its the 210 wedding that I have attended before. And yes..becos u are someone I know for years, my nieces, my nephew, my cousion, my friends, my best pal... U are all those to them and doing so much for them is not too much to ask you know.
Every effort you put in tells your guest how important they are. And the couple appreciate their guest present that is the reason why the couple is doing so much just to make them feel "happy" and "special" and they will be honour to be invited.
Think about this.
For people who is being invited to a wedding. Please understand and appreciate the hard work that has brought together.
PS: husband or husband to be of the bride. The above stress is so much that u can hardly imagine. Your bride wants to have a wonderful wedding all their life; therefore they will try so much to make it happen. We didn’t ask for the ROYAL wedding,we didn’t want to be the PERFECT one. We just want everything to goes beautifully. Most importantly is the moment of doing the things together,sharing the moment together. It’s the hard work of both to create the wonderful moment. This is what we want the most. Always remember… the above stress will build up a monster inside the bride. They will be emotional and temperamental for no reason; unreasonable for certain reason you don’t understand. Don’t forget… WE have PMS too during the time of the above stress. (endure the pain and still work on it… )
Just a little hugs and says "THANK YOU MY LOVE" and "I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU DID AND DO… THANK YOU"will be good. Dont take for granted. And think, she wants it, she deserve it, she have it. I dont have a husband who appreciate all the hard work I have done. And neither did he acknowledge why I turn into a monster when my stress level hits the peak, and didnt see why I get so upset over little thing.
I hope U guys out there understand this. "pack" your girl, she dont deserve all the stress work you know... She should be pamper and love by you. But having her stress on her own is not what she is asking for. She can endure all, but she needs your caring, your hug, your support, your participation (5% is more than enuf), your understand. Bring her to eat good food, tells her how much she looks in white gown, give her lots and lots of hugs and loves, She need it and believe me, when u do all this, there is no complaint, she will just fight like a warrior... She knows you are tired and stress with work, she knows u put in effort, she knows ur hardwork, she knows all, but she just want those little TLC (Tender loving care). Rather than complaining about her behavior and attitude on the wedding, take a second thoughts and think, Is this all about her?
Acknowledge the hard work, appreciate the stress and accept the fact that wedding is not easy... hahahaha.... Always remember, she don't do this for herself, She did it for "OUR" wedding. Honestly, if it is our own, we will be more strict.. hahahaha
If you guys feel stress, talk to your bride, tell me about it, listen to your bride explanation on why certain things need to be particular if you dont understand, tell them why you think its not necessary, let them know you are really burn out with work, trust me.. they understand, they wont bite you for not putting any more effort doing so... girls always have other enthusiastic girls to help. Even if you have no time participating, just ask "dear.. how is it going? Can i see the mock up" give constructive comment, or just "wow.. I am impress" Its so much better than dont care, dont bother, dont ask. If you think money can settle your stress, than tell your bride " babe.. if u need any cost, I will give you my full support" This will definitely be the best supportive thgs.. lol.
At the least take help your bride lessen the burden, not adding the burden by complaining her nagging, her unreasonable. You may feel they are, tell them, explain to them why... let them know they are over board. Bring them back on ground when they are flying too high... isnt this what a couple should do?
MOST IMPORTANT.... : We didnt ask for everything and throw the "everything" and demand you to do it. We ask for it, we do it, we did it and we manage it. We only need TLC.
Ladies... keep cool. Stress makes you look old, and tarnish your image, I have been there... and I am worst than anyone of you. At the least, I believe your hard work earn. mine don't.
Dear all if you really want a simple wedding......
The most easy and simple wedding is... ROM, signed the paper and leave for honeymoon. Perfect. no stress, no argument, no disagreement. save money, save time. PERFECT!!
PSPS:
If you think the above "wedding" is stress... actually not. because, the above stress can be easily settle by using $$ if you have more than enough. But...
A marriage is more stress than the wedding. Because the hard work to make a marriage work require more than hard work to makes it work. To walk together till old require 200x more than the above. And $$ cannot make a marriage work, its just one of the spice require in daily life. haha. Agree?
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